The Seeing Sequence Meets Lazy Consideration

Updated April 20, 2024, and December 18, 2024, November 27, 2025; Feb. 1/26

(Short version far below )

The Problem

I try to change your mind out of your lazy consideration of me. And I fail. And it hurts a lot.

The above problem unpacked

First

Lazy consideration:

You have heard me, and therefore you know, what I want. However, you don’t give it to me. But the cause of your avoidance or refusal is not that you have no consideration. Everyone has it since early in life, when we start to grow our ability to see what others want. It’s that you have anxiety, which creates the fear that you won’t get consideration back. To solve your fear, you go into the state of laziness: “unwilling to work or use energy”. You are in lazy consideration. You know what I want, but you’re too lazy to give it to me.

Second

There are three possible outcomes when I differ from you.

1.  Resolution. We are not in lazy consideration. We show each other our points of view in order to change each other’s mind  to the same or mostly same view, a shared view, about what we are looking at.  This resolves our difference and we feel connected for a moment.
2.  Licking my wounds. I fool myself by believing that you are not in lazy consideration. I try and try to change your mind. I fail and take the bullet of my pain which is now huge, immobilizing. I have to go and seclude myself until my pain goes down and I can move again. I’m licking my wounds.
3. Dodging a bullet. We fail to come to a shared view, because you are in lazy consideration. The only thing I can get out of this is to dodge the bullet of inflicting upon myself the immobilizing pain of trying and failing to change your mind to approving of my point of view.

Third

Why self-inflicted? Because I have used my imagination to convince me to take the risk to get you to connect to me when you’re in lazy consideration. Now, connecting to people is a survival mechanism. So, when I fail to change your mind, I  feel an immobilizing pain to remind me that my survival is at stake. I am the trigger of that pain.

The Cause

Not upbringing, not experiences. Instead, psr’s. Psr = inappropriate or imaginary problem solving response. It’s not real solving of real stuff. Ipsr is too long and doesn’t roll off the tongue well, so … psr – problem solving response.

The Solution, The Change

Bitch and complain (synonyms are “flow” or “flow-with” or “deconstruct”) the psr’s, often many times (instructions are in the examples below). The repetitions build a memory centre that pulls my focus into it. While there, I don’t oppose myself by finding fault with every thought that  forms my true response/my decision. Instead, I simply externalize it.

Good to know:

1. While my mind can go blank more than a few times in a day, most of the time my mind produces a constant stream of thoughts and feelings. This stream causes many distractions, all day every day. In order to survive, (that means not die), I need to be good at ignoring them.
2. All loss, no matter how small, causes pain. That pain is the feeling called grief. Thus, loss causes grief.
3. Since failure causes loss of what I was trying to achieve, the loss caused  by failure causes grief. The most important failure in daily life is the failure to ignore the distractions that appear at the end of my thought that forms my true response, my decision. I call the grief triggered by my failing to ignore distractions,”the pain of failing to ignore”.
4. Everyone is born with a different intensity of the pain of failing to ignore.
5. If my pain of failing to ignore is strong, I am naturally afraid of it. The appearance in my mind of a decision triggers the need to ignore distractions. Failing to ignore them triggers my high pain of failing to ignore, which triggers my fear of that pain. As a result, I’m  afraid of making any decision. When my fear of making a decision appears, I’m compelled to solve the fear. So, I search for the cause of my fear. I find that the cause is problems – faults –  with the decision and solve those faults. Solving gets me the positive feeling of relief. Relief replaces my fear and so distracts me from the pain of failing to ignore. The result: I’m always editing (looking for and solving flaws), in other words, problem-solving, the thought that forms my decision. I edit in order to get relief from my normal fear of this abnormally high pain.
6. One of these edits/problem-solving responses (psr’s) to a decision is the fantasy that the feeling of relief will make me feel like acting, feel motivated to act, on my decision. (Here lieth the source of the world’s fruitless search for motivation.) But it doesn’t work. As soon as I solve one problem, a new one appears. In fact, solving signals my brain that I want to do more solving, so I can get more relief. So, it brings me more problems. Quickly, the problem solving gains momentum, and becomes out of my control until it becomes frightening and snaps me out of it. I call this constant line of psr’s “fear driven seeking of relief” or “second guessing” or “obsessing” or “bad momentum” about my decision. It’s the outcome of trying to feel like acting on my decision.
7. If my pain of failing to ignore is weak, I’m  not afraid of it. Therefore, my brain doesn’t produce anxiety – an abnormal fear of a normal situation, and other psr’s that mess around with my decision. I’m free to focus on externalizing it by matching my actions to the image of me acting -my action image,  that’s in my mind.
8. All emotions, including the grief caused by loss of anything, big or small, will keep coming back if opposed. To solve grief, including by avoiding it, is to oppose it. As a result, solving grief causes it to come back.
9. All my problems are caused by me trying to solve/oppose the pain of failing to ignore. Culture says I should fix this pain. My brain says I should feel it, that is, suffer it, and see how it won’t harm me if I do. This will make me ignore it by my moving my focus onward to seeing and externalizing my true response/my decision by matching my actions to the action image of my decision.

The Seeing Sequence is the sequence of  bitching and complaining /flow/deconstructing, psr’s in order to see my true response. It gets me to stop believing my psr’s which gets me to stop trying to solve the pain of failing to ignore. As a result, the pain, like all emotion, runs out by itself, most often in bits, not all at once.  A good and almost must-read:  Why the Seeing Sequence works.

(NB (nota bene, Latin for note well): words below, that are in brackets or separated by forward slashes, mean I can choose from several wordings, or the words are instructions, or blanks to fill in that fit my own experience.)

How to Bitch and Complain/Flow with Psr’s using the following Example List

1. I try to change your mind before I see my true response to your lazy consideration.

2. In response to your lazy consideration, I see my true response but I avoid showing/externalizing it.

3. I try to change your mind after I show/externalize my true response to your lazy consideration.

Example 1

 I try to change your mind before I see my true response.

Step 1

(Really it’s two steps but they happen so fast, they may as well be one)

Pick the thought or feeling I think is a psr.  Optional: A useful guide: The Database of Psr’s

In this example: The fantasy that I can change your mind.

Classify my emotional response to the psr using three simple classes:

“good me” for feelings that are positive (pleasure) or for feelings that I imagine will solve things fast (anger always comes with the fantasy that I can shake up the environment into going my way), and thus give me the positive feeling of relief.

“bad me” for hurting or judging myself.

“poor me”  for fear and for feeling sorry for myself.

(NB. I decide on how many psr’s I want to b and c. It could be just one, or I could do all of them until they stop coming. The more I practice, the closer I get to one, then a ghost of one, then none. The number of practices is like learning to walk, or to play a musical instrument, or to play a sport well or to cook food well, or do anything well. It’s a large number. )

Like this:

Predicting failure to ever get out of this pain you’re causing me with your lazy consideration.

I love the fantasy I can change your mind to considering my point of view. Good me.

Good me, I helpfully explain my point of view with more detail.

You argue with me instead of trying to see. Poor me.

Bad me, I predict failure to get you to see.

Good me, I move to defensive explaining, and then warning you of consequences for avoiding considering me.

Poor me, that fails to change your mind and my pain has intensified a lot.

Now I’m angry, in the fantasy I can shake you up into changing your mind to approving of my point of view. Good me.

Step 2

The reversal: (find the cause of the psr’s, in order to see they are not real, not by asking why, but by imagining what I would see if I didn’t do psr’s to myself.)

Because poor me if I didn’t (imagine I could change your mind out of lazy consideration),

I’m afraid I’ll see I’m in the pain of failing to ignore distractions, (which occur at the end of my thought that forms my true response; that wording is coming below)

namely, the delay in the pleasure of getting over the grief from the loss

of momentum caused by the end of what I was just doing:

(which was)

(

I fill this in using one of five possible “endings”. If I don’t know which one to choose, I can guess.

Endings

1) “the end of what I was just doing, (which was): imagining my action image if I see all the parts of it, or previewing my action image if I see a quick glimpse before I work out the parts”.

Examples:

All parts – doing something I’ve practised many times.

Quick glimpse: I see myself putting down a chopping knife just before I come to the end of using it, but my work surface is crowded and I haven’t yet looked for a place to put it.

2) “the end of what I was just doing (which was): trying and failing to match my action to my action image“.

Example: My failing to look at an object all the way to my reaching for it and grasping it.

3) “the end of what I was just doing (which was): feeling my happiness/satisfaction about my success (at forming and externalizing my true response, in other words, “at matching my action to my action image)”

Example: I look where I’m reaching for an object that’s not easy to hold onto, like twigs to start a cooking fire.

Or “feeling happy/satisfied/content about what just came into my mind without me trying”. This happiness is more passive than me matching my true response. It’s just experiencing, that is, enjoying, receiving/observing-not-solving, not editing, not perfecting, not putting my mark on, what the environment  or my mind gives me that fits me and therefore triggers pleasure.

Example 1: something beautiful coming into my view. For this the wording is “the end of what I was just doing: enjoying seeing beauty, or feeling lucky (seeing beauty”.

Example 2: While observing a situation, usually a real problem, I get a bright idea about how to understand it or how to solve it, or both.  I use this wording: “the end of what I was just doing: feeling happy that a bright idea popped into my mind.”

4) “the end of what I was just doing (which was): experiencing or observing a problem (or something that is different from what fits me), that I can’t solve now or have no business solving even if I could, or both.”

(Four Examples from an endless list:)

a) observing your lazy consideration (about what you know I need you to consider). (Example: your anger at me for being independent of you.)

b) observing your disapproval. Example: my shun of your lazy consideration.

c) observing your fear of making the transition on your own from awake to falling asleep; and your attempts to get me to fix that fear for you.

d) experiencing a coincidence that doesn’t fit me (bad luck, such as an accident, or anything I have no interest in, like most distractions): This ending is similar to 2) above in that the end is a failure. But the difference is that it’s a failure of the environment to go my way, while 2) is my failure to make myself go my way.

5)  the end of what I was just doing (which was): being in a blank, (a state of no thought or feeling).”

A blank occurs when:

a) I don’t know or can’t remember what to think when I need to find an answer. This could be before I’ve tried to figure it out or after I’ve run out of ideas. Example: a math equation.

b) I finish a feeling, say happiness, that isn’t a psr. Or I finish matching my action to my action image, and I haven’t decided what to do next.

Example: A common sequence in me: a blank; then the psr “predicting failure” predicts the blank will fail to be brief; that causes fear which is another psr;  then a third psr: fix the fear in the quickest way I can think of – repeat what I just finished thinking or saying. Thus, I often repeat myself to fill in blanks.

)

(End of endings, now continuing with bnc)

(I choose: ____________) experiencing a problem I can’t solve now and don’t want to solve ever: your lazy consideration.

At the end of my thought that forms my true response:

I’m already dead inside about this act of ignoring. (Dead inside means I don’t at all feel like ignoring)

But I have to ignore anyway ( if I want to stay out of immobilizing pain and get my true response out there ).

So start ignoring the delay by  moving my focus on to

(ignoring is done by focusing on something other than the thing I want to ignore)(I want to ignore the delay in getting over grief, so I focus on something – matching the action image of my decision with action  – other than the delay in getting over grief)

mechanically (which means without feeling like it/without motivation)

(externalizing my true response/decision by matching my external action to the action image of my decision/true response)

______.”(I describe the action image of my true response)

forming and externalizing my true response: to not change your mind.

Step 3

Wait to see what comes into my mind next.

If another psr, repeat Steps 1 and 2 until: psr’s stop, or I decide to stop, or I run out of time and have to do something else.

If my true response, I naturally (which means in first-party observing self/un-self-consciously/without stepping outside myself/without thinking)

______ ( I describe my true response)

I shun your lazy consideration.

Shunning:  shunning goes way back. See many religious texts. It is used in the Seeing Sequence to describe how my usual consideration is turned off by a person in lazy consideration. But I can’t externally and totally shun every person who turns me off. If I did, I’d eventually be totally shunning, “ghosting”, cutting off, everyone. Instead I modify the shun to be a mirror image of their lazy consideration.

When my true response is shunning, I need help to see it. That help comes from the table in the rules of mirroring, also known as the rules of hurt. Why hurt? Because by shunning you, I am passing back to you the pain you are trying to give  to me to solve for you.

To see my shun, I go to:  The Rules of Hurt/Mirroring/Shunning

Short version:

psrs: predicting failure to ever get out of pain. Bad me

Change your mind. Good me.

Failed again. Now hurt and angry. Poor me.

distraction:  (delay in the pleasure of getting over) grief from loss of momentum (caused by)

end of what I was just doing: experiencing your lazy consideration.

true response/decision:  shun your lazy consideration, using the Rules of Hurt

Repeat all until I do it.

Example 2

I avoid showing you my true response when I see it.

Step 1

Pick the thought or feeling I think is a psr.  Optional: A useful guide: The Database of Psr’s

I’m avoiding showing my true response, which is a shun of your lazy consideration.

Classify my emotional response to the psr using three simple classes:

“good me” for feelings that are positive (pleasure) or for feelings that I imagine will solve things fast (anger always comes with the fantasy that I can shake up the environment into going my way) and thus give me the positive feeling of relief.

“bad me” for hurting or judging myself.

“poor me”  for fear and for feeling sorry for myself.

(NB. I decide on how many psr’s I want to b and c. It could be just one, or I could do all of them until they stop coming. The more I practice, the closer I get to one, then a ghost of one, then none. The number of practices is like learning to walk, or to play a musical instrument, or to play a sport well or to cook food well, or do anything well. It’s a large number. )

Like this:

Poor me, afraid of your disapproval

Magnifying your disapproval to a worst-case scenario. Bad me.

Good me, avoid externalizing my true response to avoid my fear of your disapproval.

Step 2

The reversal: (find the cause of the psr’s, not by asking why, but by imagining what I would see if I didn’t do psr’s to myself.)

Because poor me if I didn’t (avoid),

I’m afraid I’ll see I’m in the pain of failing to ignore distractions, (which occur at the end of my thought that forms my true response; that wording is coming below)

namely, the delay in the pleasure of getting over the grief from the loss

of momentum caused by the end of what I was just doing:

(which was)

(

I fill this in using one of five possible “endings”. If I don’t know which one to choose, I can guess.

Endings

1) “the end of what I was just doing, (which was): imagining my action image if I see all the parts of it, or previewing my action image if I see a quick glimpse before I work out the parts”.

Examples:

All parts – doing something I’ve practised many times.

Quick glimpse: I see myself putting down a chopping knife just before I come to the end of using it, but my work surface is crowded and I haven’t yet looked for a place to put it.

2) “the end of what I was just doing (which was): trying and failing to match my action to my action image“.

Example: My failing to look at an object all the way to my reaching for it and grasping it.

3) “the end of what I was just doing (which was): feeling my happiness/satisfaction about my success (at forming and externalizing my true response, in other words, “at matching my action to my action image)”

Example: I look where I’m reaching for an object that’s not easy to hold onto, like twigs to start a cooking fire.

Or “feeling happy/satisfied/content about what just came into my mind without me trying”. This happiness is more passive than me matching my true response. It’s just experiencing, that is, enjoying, receiving/observing-not-solving, not editing, not perfecting, not putting my mark on, what the environment  or my mind gives me that fits me and therefore triggers pleasure.

Example 1: something beautiful coming into my view. For this the wording is “the end of what I was just doing: enjoying seeing beauty, or feeling lucky (seeing beauty”.

Example 2: While observing a situation, usually a real problem, I get a bright idea about how to understand it or how to solve it, or both.  I use this wording: “the end of what I was just doing: feeling happy that a bright idea popped into my mind.”

4) “the end of what I was just doing (which was): experiencing or observing a problem (or something that is different from what fits me), that I can’t solve now or have no business solving even if I could, or both.”

(Four Examples from an endless list:)

a) observing your lazy consideration (about what you know I need you to consider). (Example: your anger at me for being independent of you.)

b) observing your disapproval. Example: my shun of your lazy consideration.

c) observing your fear of making the transition on your own from awake to falling asleep; and your attempts to get me to fix that fear for you.

d) experiencing a coincidence that doesn’t fit me (bad luck, such as an accident, or anything I have no interest in, like most distractions): This ending is similar to 2) above in that the end is a failure. But the difference is that it’s a failure of the environment to go my way, while 2) is my failure to make myself go my way.

5)  the end of what I was just doing (which was): being in a blank, (a state of no thought or feeling).”

A blank occurs when:

a) I don’t know or can’t remember what to think when I need to find an answer. This could be before I’ve tried to figure it out or after I’ve run out of ideas. Example: a math equation.

b) I finish a feeling, say happiness, that isn’t a psr. Or I finish matching my action to my action image, and I haven’t decided what to do next.

Example: A common sequence in me: a blank; then the psr “predicting failure” predicts the blank will fail to be brief; that causes fear which is another psr;  then a third psr: fix the fear in the quickest way I can think of – repeat what I just finished thinking or saying. Thus, I often repeat myself to fill in blanks.

)

(End of endings, now continuing with bnc)

(I choose: ____________) experiencing a problem I can’t solve now – my correct prediction that you will disapprove of my coming true response, which is a shun.

(End of endings, now continuing with bnc)

At the end of my thought that forms my true response:

I’m already dead inside about this act of ignoring. (Dead inside means I don’t at all feel like ignoring)

But I have to ignore anyway (if I want to get this shun out there and avoid immobilizing pain).

So start ignoring the delay by moving my focus on to

(ignoring is done by focusing on something other than the thing I want to ignore)(I want to ignore the delay in getting over grief, so I focus on something – matching the action image of my decision with action  – other than the delay in getting over grief)

mechanically (which means without feeling like it/without motivation)

(externalizing my true response/decision by matching my external action to the action image of my decision/true response)

______.”(I describe the action image of my true response)

my shun.

Step 3

Wait to see what comes into my mind next.

If another psr, repeat Steps 1 and 2 until: psr’s stop, or I decide to stop, or I run out of time and have to do something else.

If my true response, I naturally (which means in first-party observing self/un-self-consciously/without stepping outside myself/without thinking)

______ ( I describe my true response)

I match my action to my action image of shunning you.

To figure out my shun, I read The Rules of Hurt/Mirroring/Shunning

Short version:

psrs: Predicting your failure to approve of my shun. Bad me

Good me, avoid my shun.

distraction:  (delay in the pleasure of getting over) grief from loss of momentum (caused by)

end of what I was just doing: formulating my shun, using the Rules of Hurt.

true response/decision: Externalize it.

Repeat all until I do it.

Example 3

 I try to change your mind after I show you my true response, my shun.

Step 1

Pick the thought or feeling I think is a psr.  Optional: A useful guide: The Database of Psr’s

I’m trying to change your disapproval of my shun.

Classify my emotional response to the psr using three simple classes:

“good me” for feelings that are positive (pleasure) or for feelings that I imagine will solve things fast (anger always comes with the fantasy that I can shake up the environment into going my way), and get the positive feeling of relief.

“bad me” for hurting or judging myself.

“poor me”  for fear and for feeling sorry for myself.

(NB. I decide on how many psr’s I want to b and c. It could be just one, or I could do all of them until they stop coming. The more I practice, the closer I get to one, then a ghost of one, then none. The number of practices is like learning to walk, or to play a musical instrument, or to play a sport well or to cook food well, or do anything well. It’s a large number. )

Like this:

I’m trying to change your disapproval of my shun. Good me.

Poor me. It’s because I’m really scared of your disapproval. I can’t help it.

Good me, I love the fantasy that if I back down you will stop being so emotional and persistent, you will stop harassing me.

Good me, I love the fantasy that my shun could change your mind.

Step 2

The reversal: (find the cause of the psr’s, not by asking why, but by imagining what I would see if I didn’t do psr’s to myself.)

Because poor me if I didn’t (back down),

I’m afraid I’ll see I’m in the pain of failing to ignore distractions, (which occur at the end of my thought that forms my true response; that wording is coming below)

namely, the delay in the pleasure of getting over the grief from the loss

of momentum caused by the end of what I was just doing:

(which was) experiencing a problem I can’t solve now and don’t want to solve ever: your harassment of me when I showed you my shun.

At the end of my thought that forms my true response:

I’m already dead inside about this act of ignoring. (Dead inside means I don’t at all feel like ignoring)

But I have to ignore anyway (if I want to keep my focus that my shun is for me and not to change your mind).

So start ignoring the delay by moving my focus on to

mechanically sticking to my shun.

Step 3

Wait to see what comes into my mind.

If another psr, repeat Steps 1 and 2 until psr’s stop . Or until I run out of time and have to do something else.

If my true response, I match my action to my action image of not backing down, and then moving on to shunning your harassment, all the while bitching and complaining my psr – my intense fear. This is my second true response which also happens to be a shun to your harassment of my first shun. According to the rules of hurt, rule 10, my shun is “gone to your gone”.. In action, my gone is what I would do if you weren’t here. My shun is found in:  The Rules of Hurt/Mirroring/Shunning

Short version:

psrs: Change your disapproval of my shun. Good me.

Poor me,  I’m really scared of your disapproval.

distraction:  (delay in the pleasure of getting over) grief from loss of momentum (caused by)

end of what I was just doing: matching my action to my action image, which is don’t back down, stick to my shun

true response/decision: what would I do if you weren’t here?  Now do it. 

Repeat all until I do it.

Postscript

Reminder 1 to self:

To b and c or not to b and c. That is the question. To b and c is to suffer the frustration of missing the starting signal – a psr, an astonishingly large number of times. To not b and c is to suffer repeating anxiety and the exhausting work of trying to solve it. Thus, both ways are difficult. And that sucks. But only I can decide which way I want my existence to suck in any moment, when I do catch the signal, the psr.

Reminder 2 to self:

I need to memorize these sentences or I’ll never do them. And even when I do memorize them, it will take more suffering my anxiety before I remember to do them, and even more suffering before I even decide to do them after I remember. Even then, I’ll need more practice to do it live, in the moment. That’s the easiest way? Yup.

Reminder 3 to self:

The above two reminders are about what causes change in my brain: persistent practice that builds alternate memory centres. Change doesn’t come from  judgment or punishment or encouragement or copying rules or help from another. So I’m free not to use them, and I’m especially free from needing to judge myself for not using them.

To repeat in another way: the only thing that changes my brain is seeing through the tricks my anxiety plays on me to solve itself, and disbelieving them by b and c, over and over again. Only then will I have built a new memory centre, a new planet, of bitching and complaining/deconstructing that redirects my focus onto my true response.

Reminder 4 to self:

Question

Why don’t I just say what the distraction is? It’s grief. The grief from the loss of momentum caused by the end of whatever I was just doing,

Answer

Because grief would not be a distraction if it went away instantly. While grief is brief, like all emotion, it keeps coming back in waves. While I’m feeling the grief, I’m distracted into checking how long it’s lasting. As a result, the distraction is not the grief. It’s the delay in the pleasure, the relief,  of getting it over with.  That delay in getting over grief from loss of momentum occurs in the instant I have to transition, that is, change, my focus, from the high return work of forming my true response to the low return work of  externalizing it. In other words, to go from fun to boredom without complaint.

Reminder Summary

To take this answer back to where I started seeing. Me being distracted means I have failed to ignore when I most need to ignore. My high pain of failing to ignore is triggered by this failure. Because the pain is intense, it frightens me. To solve the fear, my brain is compelled to use psr’s to fix, not the fear, but its cause, the pain.

But, if I want to avoid disappointing myself by failing to externalize my true response, followed by my scrambling to adapt to the consequences, I must not give in to the fixing of the pain of failing to ignore. Through more repetitions than I ever feared, and in every part of my life, I must train myself to b and c until I can  mechanically, like a reflex, focus on externalizing my true response.