The Seeing Sequence Meets Me Not Able to Sleep

Updated April 4, 2024; October 2025; November 27, 2025: January 31, 2025

(Short version far below )

The Problem

I can’t sleep.

The Cause

Not upbringing, not experiences. Instead, psr’s. Psr = inappropriate or imaginary problem solving response. It’s not real solving of real stuff. Ipsr is too long and doesn’t roll off the tongue well, so … psr – problem solving response.

For causes other than a high pain of failing to ignore, I look at the work of sleep expert Dr. Matthew Walker. But when I come back from what he suggests, it still boils down to that moment of decision that causes the pain of failing to ignore.

The Solution, The Change

Bitch and complain (synonyms are “flow” or “flow-with” or “deconstruct”) the psr’s, often many times (instructions are in the examples below). The repetitions build a memory centre that pulls my focus into it. While there, I don’t oppose myself by finding fault with every thought that  forms my true response/my decision. Instead, I simply externalize it.

Good to know:

1. While my mind can go blank more than a few times in a day, most of the time my mind produces a constant stream of thoughts and feelings. This stream causes many distractions, all day every day. In order to survive, (that means not die), I need to be good at ignoring them.
2. All loss, no matter how small, causes pain. That pain is the feeling called grief. Thus, loss causes grief.
3. Since failure causes loss of what I was trying to achieve, the loss caused  by failure causes grief. The most important failure in daily life is the failure to ignore the distractions that appear at the end of my thought that forms my true response, my decision. I call the grief triggered by my failing to ignore distractions,”the pain of failing to ignore”.
4. Everyone is born with a different intensity of the pain of failing to ignore.
5. If my pain of failing to ignore is strong, I am naturally afraid of it. The appearance in my mind of a decision triggers the need to ignore distractions. Failing to ignore them triggers my high pain of failing to ignore, which triggers my fear of that pain. As a result, I’m  afraid of making any decision. When my fear of making a decision appears, I’m compelled to solve the fear. So, I search for the cause of my fear. I find that the cause is problems – faults –  with the decision and solve those faults. Solving gets me the positive feeling of relief. Relief replaces my fear and so distracts me from the pain of failing to ignore. The result: I’m always editing (looking for and solving flaws), in other words, problem-solving, the thought that forms my decision. I edit in order to get relief from my normal fear of this abnormally high pain.
6. One of these edits/problem-solving responses (psr’s) to a decision is the fantasy that the feeling of relief will make me feel like acting, feel motivated to act, on my decision. (Here lieth the source of the world’s fruitless search for motivation.) But it doesn’t work. As soon as I solve one problem, a new one appears. In fact, solving signals my brain that I want to do more solving, so I can get more relief. So, it brings me more problems. Quickly, the problem solving gains momentum, and becomes out of my control until it becomes frightening and snaps me out of it. I call this constant line of psr’s “fear driven seeking of relief” or “second guessing” or “obsessing” or “bad momentum” about my decision. It’s the outcome of trying to feel like acting on my decision.
7. If my pain of failing to ignore is weak, I’m  not afraid of it. Therefore, my brain doesn’t produce anxiety – an abnormal fear of a normal situation, and other psr’s that mess around with my decision. I’m free to focus on externalizing it by matching my actions to the image of me acting -my action image,  that’s in my mind.
8. All emotions, including the grief caused by loss of anything, big or small, will keep coming back if opposed. To solve grief, including by avoiding it, is to oppose it. As a result, solving grief causes it to come back.
9. All my problems are caused by me trying to solve/oppose the pain of failing to ignore. Culture says I should fix this pain. My brain says I should feel it, that is, suffer it, and see how it won’t harm me if I do. This will make me ignore it by my moving my focus onward to seeing and externalizing my true response/my decision by matching my actions to the action image of my decision.

The Seeing Sequence is the sequence of  bitching and complaining /flow/deconstructing, psr’s in order to see my true response. It gets me to stop believing my psr’s which gets me to stop trying to solve the pain of failing to ignore. As a result, the pain, like all emotion, runs out by itself, most often in bits, not all at once.  A good and almost must-read:  Why the Seeing Sequence works.

(NB (nota bene, Latin for note well): words below, that are in brackets or separated by forward slashes, mean I can choose from several wordings, or the words are instructions, or blanks to fill in that fit my own experience.)

How to Bitch and Complain/Flow with Psr’s using the following Example List

1. Can’t sleep.

Step 1

(Really it’s two steps but they happen so fast, they may as well be one)

Pick the thought or feeling I think is a psr.  Optional: A useful guide: The Database of Psr’s

I’m afraid I won’t fall asleep for hours.

Classify my emotional response to the psr using three simple classes:

“good me” for feelings that are positive (pleasure) or for feelings that I imagine will solve things fast (anger always comes with the fantasy that I can shake up the environment into going my way),

“bad me” for hurting or judging myself.

“poor me”  for fear and for feeling sorry for myself.

(NB. I decide on how many psr’s I want to b and c. It could be just one, or I could do all of them until they stop coming. The more I practice, the closer I get to one, then a ghost of one, then none. The number of practices is like learning to walk, or to play a musical instrument, or to play a sport well or to cook food well, or do anything well. It’s a large number. )

Like this:

I picture myself awake for hours. Bad me, predicting failure.

Now I’m afraid and uptight. Poor me.

My mind is racing and I can’t stop it. Poor me.

Good me, I’ll get some work done in my head.

It occurs to me that I need to relax not work. Good me.

I’ve tried everything I can think of. Good me.

Nothing works. Poor me.

Bad me, when I catch myself getting drowsy, I predict failure, failure to be in control.

That scares me. Poor me.

Poor me, now I’m awake again.

Step 2

The reversal: (find the cause of the psr’s, not by asking why, but by imagining what I would see if I didn’t do psr’s to myself.)

Because poor me if I didn’t ______ (do this (or these) psr’s, ( solve or edit everything that comes into my mind )

I’m afraid I’ll see I’m in the pain of failing to ignore distractions, (which occur at the end of my thought that forms my true response; that wording is coming below)

namely, the delay in the pleasure of getting over the grief from the loss

of momentum caused by the end of what I was just doing:

(which was) _______ .”

(

I fill this in using one of five possible “endings”. If I don’t know which one to choose, I can guess.

Endings

1) “the end of what I was just doing, (which was): imagining my action image if I see all the parts of it, or previewing my action image if I see a quick glimpse before I work out the parts”.

Examples:

All parts – doing something I’ve practised many times.

Quick glimpse: I see myself putting down a chopping knife just before I come to the end of using it, but my work surface is crowded and I haven’t yet looked for a place to put it.

2) “the end of what I was just doing (which was): trying and failing to match my action to my action image“.

Example: My failing to look at an object all the way to my reaching for it and grasping it.

3) “the end of what I was just doing (which was): feeling my happiness/satisfaction about my success (at forming and externalizing my true response, in other words, “at matching my action to my action image)”

Example: I look where I’m reaching for an object that’s not easy to hold onto, like twigs to start a cooking fire.

Or “feeling happy/satisfied/content about what just came into my mind without me trying”. This happiness is more passive than me matching my true response. It’s just experiencing, that is, enjoying, receiving/observing-not-solving, not editing, not perfecting, not putting my mark on, what the environment  or my mind gives me that fits me and therefore triggers pleasure.

Example 1: something beautiful coming into my view. For this the wording is “the end of what I was just doing: enjoying seeing beauty, or feeling lucky (seeing beauty”.

Example 2: While observing a situation, usually a real problem, I get a bright idea about how to understand it or how to solve it, or both.  I use this wording: “the end of what I was just doing: feeling happy that a bright idea popped into my mind.”

4) “the end of what I was just doing (which was): experiencing or observing a problem (or something that is different from what fits me), that I can’t solve now or have no business solving even if I could, or both.”

(Four Examples from an endless list:)

a) observing your lazy consideration (about what you know I need you to consider). (Example: your anger at me for being independent of you.)

b) observing your disapproval. Example: my shun of your lazy consideration.

c) observing your fear of making the transition on your own from awake to falling asleep; and your attempts to get me to fix that fear for you.

d) experiencing a coincidence that doesn’t fit me (bad luck, such as an accident, or anything I have no interest in, like most distractions): This ending is similar to 2) above in that the end is a failure. But the difference is that it’s a failure of the environment to go my way, while 2) is my failure to make myself go my way.

5)  the end of what I was just doing (which was): being in a blank, (a state of no thought or feeling).”

A blank occurs when:

a) I don’t know or can’t remember what to think when I need to find an answer. This could be before I’ve tried to figure it out or after I’ve run out of ideas. Example: a math equation.

b) I finish a feeling, say happiness, that isn’t a psr. Or I finish matching my action to my action image, and I haven’t decided what to do next.

Example: A common sequence in me: a blank; then the psr “predicting failure” predicts the blank will fail to be brief; that causes fear which is another psr;  then a third psr: fix the fear in the quickest way I can think of – repeat what I just finished thinking or saying. Thus, I often repeat myself to fill in blanks.

)

(End of endings, now continuing with bnc)

(I choose: ____________) Trying and failing to match my action to my action image, Try again to observe don’t solve.

Step 3

Wait to see what comes into my mind next.

If another psr, repeat Steps 1 and 2 until: psr’s stop, or I decide to stop, or I run out of time and have to do something else.

If my true response, I naturally (which means in first-party observing self/un-self-consciously/without stepping outside myself/without thinking)

______ (I describe my true response)

Observe don’t solve whatever comes into my mind.

How I observe at any time, with practice: I simply watch what comes into my mind – as If I’m watching video, or reading what is not stimulating. I don’t do anything in response. For example, I don’t try to put into words what I see. I especially don’t try to solve it or change it in any way, including trying to change any feeling it causes me. I can tell I’m observing when I’m not trying to put my mark on it. If I do try, that’s a psr and I should do a short version of bnc, described below.

Most of what comes in will be psr’s in the following pattern: problem finding, countered by solving, over and over. This is like during my day, only much more so because I have no daytime tasks to distract me. I do the full seeing sequence once, or not at all, because thinking it through will keep me awake. On the other hand a full sequence can deconstruct psr’s so well that I quickly relax to observing not solving. If I do the full sequence over and over, my brain will anticipate it succeeding, and I’ll start to relax and observe.

Most of the time though, I want minimal thinking, so I only do “poor me”, “good me” or “bad me” with each psr. The result of this is that eventually I don’t even classify the emotional response, because I stop solving.

Easier said than done. Therefore, I need to do short bnc on frustration or discouragement if they appear. By the way, observe don’t solve works during the day when I’m too busy to do all three steps.

I do observe don’t solve in each of two phases.

Phase 1. what appears that is real.

Phase 2. what appears that is unreal, which is a sign of drowsiness.

Like this:

Phase 1:

I re-enact what happened to me today. I let that flow. I might say “poor me”, “good me”, “bad me”, if there are psr’s. And say nothing if what comes in is real .

I imagine that whoever I owe money to is disapproving of me. I let them. I might even say “poor me”.

I’ll be exhausted tomorrow. I let the image be, of dragging myself through the day. Maybe I say “poor me”. Maybe not.

What if I’m up all night? I picture what I’ll do. (Poor me)

I get so tired I get sick. I just watch how that unfolds. (Bad me or poor me)

I picture dying by various methods. I just watch what my imagination comes up with. (Lots of poor me thoughts)

I slip rapidly downward toward sleep and panic that I’ll lose control and something bad will happen to me. I let it be, (Maybe I say “bad me”.

Phase 2:

I’m talking to an animal. I watch it talk to me.

I’m being pursued by someone trying to hurt me. Typical nightmare. I let them come.

I have violent fantasies, both by me and by imaginary attackers. I leave them be.

I’m penniless and living in a cardboard box. I just observe.

NB. ‘This can go on for minutes to hours. Sometimes it works in seconds. At any rate, it took months of practice to get to achieve success at falling asleep when I try, because it takes that long to build a memory centre of b and c that lets my pain of failing to ignore run out by myself.

Short version:

psrs: poor me,  failing to fall asleep

distraction:  (delay in the pleasure of getting over) grief from loss of momentum (caused by)

the end of what I was just doing: trying and failing to observe don’t solve

true response/decision:  focus on _______( try again )

Repeat all until I do it.

Postscript

Reminder 1 to self:

To b and c or not to b and c. That is the question. To b and c is to suffer the frustration of missing the starting signal – a psr, an astonishingly large number of times. To not b and c is to suffer repeating anxiety and the exhausting work of trying to solve it. Thus, both ways are difficult. And that sucks. But only I can decide which way I want my existence to suck in any moment, when I do catch the signal, the psr.

Reminder 2 to self:

I need to memorize these sentences or I’ll never do them. And even when I do memorize them, it will take more suffering my anxiety before I remember to do them, and even more suffering before I even decide to do them after I remember. Even then, I’ll need more practice to do it live, in the moment. That’s the easiest way? Yup.

Reminder 3 to self:

The above two reminders are about what causes change in my brain: persistent practice that builds alternate memory centres. Change doesn’t come from  judgment or punishment or encouragement or copying rules or help from another. So I’m free not to use them, and I’m especially free from needing to judge myself for not using them.

To repeat in another way: the only thing that changes my brain is seeing through the tricks my anxiety plays on me to solve itself, and disbelieving them by b and c, over and over again. Only then will I have built a new memory centre, a new planet, of bitching and complaining/deconstructing that redirects my focus onto my true response.

Reminder 4 to self:

Question

Why don’t I just say what the distraction is? It’s grief. The grief from the loss of momentum caused by the end of whatever I was just doing,

Answer

Because grief would not be a distraction if it went away instantly. While grief is brief, like all emotion, it keeps coming back in waves. While I’m feeling the grief, I’m distracted into checking how long it’s lasting. As a result, the distraction is not the grief. It’s the delay in the pleasure, the relief,  of getting it over with.  That delay in getting over grief from loss of momentum occurs in the instant I have to transition, that is, change, my focus, from the high return work of forming my true response to the low return work of  externalizing it. In other words, to go from fun to boredom without complaint.

Reminder Summary

To take this answer back to where I started seeing. Me being distracted means I have failed to ignore when I most need to ignore. My high pain of failing to ignore is triggered by this failure. Because the pain is intense, it frightens me. To solve the fear, my brain is compelled to use psr’s to fix, not the fear, but its cause, the pain.

But, if I want to avoid disappointing myself by failing to externalize my true response, followed by my scrambling to adapt to the consequences, I must not give in to the fixing of the pain of failing to ignore. Through more repetitions than I ever feared, and in every part of my life, I must train myself to b and c until I can  mechanically, like a reflex, focus on externalizing my true response.