The "easiest" way to change

Month: November 2024

The Seeing Sequence meets memory self-attacks

The Problem

I attack my memory and convince myself it must be wrong.

Result:

  • I waste a lot of time double checking my memory.
  • In order to check, I put myself through a lot of work that borders on silly, or eccentric, or crazy.
  • I avoid any memory work by constantly looking for things to discover that I I understand and remember easily.
  • I fool myself by calling this learning, but learning requires memory work, which is: I put it into memory by repeating it and testing if I remember.
  • I judge memory work as inferior. Result: I like a fool when I do memory work.
  • I can work hard, and I’m a good person. But I only can do unskilled or low skilled and therefore low-paying jobs for my allowance or my living.
  • When I try to get ahead at school or at work, I have to work 10 times harder than everyone else.
  • I always feel inferior to others who can learn and work faster than me.
  • Not to mention that I often fear or am jealous of them.
The Cause

Not upbringing, not experiences. Instead, psr’s. Psr = inappropriate or imaginary problem solving response. It’s not real solving of real stuff. Ipsr is too long and doesn’t roll off the tongue well, so … psr.

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The Seeing Sequence Meets Revenge

The Problem

I have been hurt by you more than you would ever imagine. It’s not that you can’t imagine my pain. It’s that you won’t and will do everything you can not to, as you always have.

The only thing that eases my pain is fantasies of revenge. In these fantasies, I hurt you as much and more than you hurt me. But my relief is quickly followed by images of you countering my efforts and hurting me again.

My pain has kept coming back into my days and nights.

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