Updated April 21, 2024; December 5, 2024; January 19, 2025;
The Problem
I procrastinate, which means I put off doing things. “Later baby. That’s my motto.” I even do it with the littlest things, like going to bed. It has ruined my life in so many ways.
The Cause
Not upbringing, not experiences. Instead, psr’s. Psr = inappropriate or imaginary problem solving response. It’s not real solving of real stuff. Ipsr is too long and doesn’t roll off the tongue well, so … psr – problem solving response.
The Solution, The Change
Bitch and complain (also called “flow” or “flow-with”) the psr’s, often many times (instructions are in the examples below). The repetitions build a memory center that pulls my focus into it. While there, I don’t oppose myself by finding fault with every thought that forms my true response (my decision). Instead, I simply externalize it.
Good to know:
- While my mind can go blank, it’s rare compared to my mind’s almost constant stream of thoughts and feelings. This stream causes many distractions, all day every day. I need to be good at ignoring them.
- All loss, no matter how small, causes pain. That pain is the feeling called grief. Thus, loss causes grief.
- Failure causes loss of what I was trying to do. Therefore, failure causes grief. The most important failure in daily life is the failure to ignore distractions which occur at the end of my thought that forms my true response, my decision. My decision is not a psr. It’s the real true me. I call the grief from failing to ignore distractions, at the moment my true response appears, the pain of failing to ignore.
- Everyone is born with a different intensity of the pain of failing to ignore.
- If my pain of failing to ignore is strong, I am naturally afraid of it. Since a decision triggers the need to ignore distractions, which trigger my high pain of failing to ignore, which triggers my fear of the pain, I’m afraid of making any decision. When my fear of making a decision appears, I’m compelled to solve the fear. So, I find problems – faults – with the decision and solve them. I get the positive feeling of relief. Relief replaces my fear and so distracts me from the pain of failing to ignore. The result: I’m always editing (looking for and solving flaws), that is, problem-solving, the thoughts that form my decisions in order to get relief from my normal fear of this abnormally high pain.
- One of these edits/problem-solving responses (psr’s) to a decision is the fantasy that the feeling of relief will make me feel like acting, feel motivated to act, on my decision. (Here lieth the source of the world’s fruitless search for motivation.) But it doesn’t work. As soon as I solve one problem, a new one appears. In fact, solving signals my brain that I want to do more solving, so I can get more relief. So, it brings me more problems. I call this constant line of psr’s “fear driven seeking of relief” or “second guessing” or “obsessing” about my decision.
- If my pain of failing to ignore is weak, I’m not afraid of it. Therefore I don’t produce anxiety – an abnormal fear of a normal situation, and other psr’s that mess around with my decision.
- All emotions, including grief caused by loss of anything, big or small, will keep coming back if opposed or avoided. To solve grief, including by avoiding it, is to oppose it. As a result, solving grief causes it to come back.
- All my problems are caused by me trying to solve/oppose the pain of failing to ignore. Culture says I should fix this pain. My brain says I should feel it, suffer it, and see how it won’t harm me if I do. This will make me ignore it by my moving on to seeing and externalizing my true response/my decision.
The Seeing Sequence, which is the sequence of bitching and complaining /flow in order to see my true response, gets me to stop trying to solve the pain of failing to ignore. As a result, the pain, like all emotion, runs out by itself, most often in bits, not all at once. A good but not must-read: Why the Seeing Sequence works.
(Notice: words in brackets below mean I can choose from several wordings, or the words are instructions or blanks to fill in that fit my experience.)
How to Bitch and Complain/Flow with Psr’s using the following Example List
1. I don’t feel like…getting up, going to work, going to my education course, studying, paying my bills, eating good food, cleaning my living space. I don’t feel like doing anything. I wait for trouble caused by putting things off to make me feel like doing stuff.
2. I look for high return work before I do low return work. This sweeps me away. I don’t do the low return work until the delay puts me in pain.
Specifics: I wash all the easy dishes first. I look for easy weeds to pull before I dig out the hard ones, I read the easy stuff and skip the hard stuff when I study, I memorize material instead of trying to understand it, I talk about my feelings to avoid doing something that looks hard. And on and on…
3. One psr that’s hard to see: as I go to do some easy thing, I check to see if there’s something else to do first, and often something else again. I’m procrastinating.
Example 1
I don’t feel like doing anything.
Step 1
Pick the thought or feeling I think is a psr. Optional: A useful guide: The Database of Psr’s
I don’t feel like it.
Classify my emotional response to the psr using three simple classes:
“good me” for feelings that are positive (pleasure) or for feelings that I imagine will solve things fast (anger always comes with the fantasy that I can shake up the environment into going my way),
“bad me” for hurting or judging myself.
“poor me” for fear and for feeling sorry for myself.
(NB. I decide on how many psr’s I want to b and c. It could be just one, or I could do all of them until they stop coming. The more I practice, the closer I get to one, then a ghost of one, then none. The number of practices is like learning to walk, or to play a musical instrument, or to play a sport well or to cook food well, or do anything well. It’s a large number. )
Like this:
I don’t feel like _______, poor me.
Good me, I’ll do it later when I feel like it.
Bad me, I’m predicting I’ll never be able to have fun doing things if I do it now while I don’t feel like it.
This makes me afraid. Poor me.
Good me, go do some pleasure seeking. (PS 1 or 2 in the database). Fear gone.
Good me, things will go my way later.
Bad me, I have to feel motivated (another way of saying I have to feel like it) to do things. (PF 5, finding fault in myself using a fantasized standard – “have to”).
I’ll pretend that this thing I’m putting off is important. That will make me feel like doing it. Good me.
Poor me. It didn’t work because it creates more pressure on me to do it.
I’ll avoid that pressure by putting this thing off until later. Good me.
Now I’m in pain from all the things that went wrong caused by my procrastinating. Poor me.
Good me, at least now I feel like doing it.
Step 2
The reversal: (find the cause of the psr’s, not by asking why, but by imagining what I would see if I didn’t do psr’s to myself.)
Because poor me if I didn’t (scare myself into putting things off ’til I’m in pain),
I’m afraid I’ll see I’m in the pain of failing to ignore distractions, (which occur at the end of my thought that forms my true response; that wording is coming 4 lines below)
namely, the delay in the pleasure of getting over the grief from the loss
of momentum caused by the end of what I was just doing:
(namely) forming my decision to do something now.
At the end of my thought that forms my true response:
I’m already dead inside about this act of ignoring. (Dead inside means I don’t at all feel like ignoring)
But I have to ignore anyway (if I want to do what looks impossible: get it done now).
So start ignoring the delay by focusing on
(ignoring is done by focusing on something other than the thing I want to ignore)(I want to ignore the delay in getting over grief, so I focus on something – the doing – other than solving/opposing the delay in getting over grief)
mechanically (which means without feeling like it/without motivation) starting to externalize what I decided to do by matching my action to my action image.
Step 3
Wait to see what comes into my mind.
If another psr, repeat Steps 1 and 2 until: psr’s stop, or I decide to stop, or I run out of time and have to do something else.
If my true response, I will shrink my focus to the first step of doing. Just that. Major accomplishment. Now go do something pleasurable. Or why don’t I keep going. I’m already into it, after all.
Example 2
I look for high return work…
Step 1
Pick the thought or feeling I think is a psr. Optional: A useful guide: The Database of Psr’s
I do the easy thing.
Classify my emotional response to the psr using three simple classes:
“good me” for feelings that are positive (pleasure) or for feelings that I imagine will solve things fast (anger always comes with the fantasy that I can shake up the environment into going my way),
“bad me” for hurting or judging myself.
“poor me” for fear and for feeling sorry for myself.
(NB. I decide on how many psr’s I want to b and c. It could be just one, or I could do all of them until they stop coming. The more I practice, the closer I get to one, then a ghost of one, then none. The number of practices is like learning to walk or talk, or to play a musical instrument, or to play a sport well or to cook food well, or do anything well. It’s a large number. )
Like this:
I love _____(doing easy stuff first: here I describe the easy stuff). Good me.
Step 2
The reversal: (find the cause of the psr’s, not by asking why, but by imagining what I would see if I didn’t do psr’s to myself.)
Because poor me if I didn’t love doing this (easy stuff)
I’m afraid I’ll see I’m in the pain of failing to ignore distractions, (which occur at the end of my thought that forms my true response; that wording is coming 4 lines below)
namely, the delay in the pleasure of getting over the grief from the loss
of momentum caused by the end of what I was just doing:
(namely) experiencing a problem I can’t solve now: coming across something hard to do, that is, a low return task, which ended the momentum I was in.
At the end of my thought that forms my true response:
I’m already dead inside about this act of ignoring. (Dead inside means I don’t at all feel like ignoring)
But I have to ignore anyway (if I want to get to the hard thing now).
So start ignoring the delay by focusing on
(ignoring is done by focusing on something other than the thing I want to ignore)(I want to ignore the delay in getting over grief, so I focus on something – the doing – other than solving/opposing the delay in getting over grief)
mechanically starting the transition from high momentum to low momentum by doing the starting steps of the low return task.
Step 3
Wait to see what comes into my mind.
If another psr, repeat Steps 1 and 2 until: psr’s stop, or I decide to stop, or I run out of time and have to do something else.
If my true response, I will focus through that first low-return step, and then isolate the next step and get through that and so on until I have more momentum, until I’m into it.
Example 3
As I go to do some easy thing, I check to see if there’s something else to do first.
I have to finish this something else first even though my time is up to do what I decided to do.
For example, I have to put some dishes away as I go to bed. But then I have to check my hair, then I have to put this cereal away, then…I eventually get to bed late, again.
Step 1
Pick the thought or feeling I think is a psr. Optional: A useful guide: The Database of Psr’s
Just get this one thing out of the way. It will only take a second.
Classify my emotional response to the psr using three simple classes:
“good me” for feelings that are positive (pleasure) or for feelings that I imagine will solve things fast (anger always comes with the fantasy that I can instantly shake up the environment into going my way),
“bad me” for hurting or judging myself.
“poor me” for fear and for feeling sorry for myself.
(NB. I decide on how many psr’s I want to b and c. It could be just one, or I could do all of them until they stop coming. The more I practice, the closer I get to one, then a ghost of one, then none. The number of practices is like learning to walk or talk, or to play a musical instrument, or to play a sport well or to cook food well, or do anything well. It’s a large number. )
Like this:
Bad me, I predict (going to bed) will fail to be easy .
Good me, I can put this dish away. It will be quick.
Poor me, I see my hair doesn’t look right.
Good me, I can fix it quick.
Poor me, I forgot to _____ (name it), and it’s giving me tension.
Good me, I’ll just do it now.
Step 2
The reversal: (find the cause of the psr’s, not by asking why, but by imagining what I would see if I didn’t do psr’s to myself.)
Because poor me if I didn’t _____ (get myself uptight about things not done) on my way to ______ (bed)),
I’m afraid I’ll see I’m in the pain of failing to ignore distractions, (which occur at the end of my thought that forms my true response; that wording is coming 4 lines below)
namely, the delay in the pleasure of getting over the grief from the loss
of momentum caused by the end of what I was just doing:
(namely) deciding to go to bed/picturing going to bed/forming my action image of going to bed.
At the end of my thought that forms my true response:
I’m already dead inside about this act of ignoring. (Dead inside means I don’t at all feel like ignoring)
But I have to ignore anyway (if I want to go straight to bed for once).
So start ignoring the delay by focusing on
mechanically moving toward my bed.
Step 3
Wait to see what comes into my mind.
If another psr, repeat Steps 1 and 2.
If my true response, I don’t think left, I don’t think right. I think bed. Only. And I go there.
Postscript
Reminder 1 to self:
To b and c or not to b and c. That is the question. To b and c is to suffer the frustration of missing the signal – a psr – to b and c an astonishingly large number of times. To not b and c is to suffer constant anxiety and the exhausting work of trying to solve it. Thus, both ways suck. Only I can decide which way I want my existence to suck in any moment, when I do catch the signal, the psr.
Reminder 2 to self:
I need to memorize these sentences or I’ll never do them. And even when I do memorize them, it will take more suffering my anxiety before I remember to do them, and even more suffering before I even decide to do them after I remember. Even then, I’ll need more practice to do it live, in the moment. That’s the easiest way? Yup.
Reminder 3 to self:
The above two reminders are about what causes change in my brain: persistent practice that builds alternate memory centers. Change doesn’t come from judgement or punishment or encouragement or copying rules or help from another. So I’m free not to use them, and I’m especially free of needing to judge myself for not using them. To repeat in another way: the only thing that changes my brain is seeing through the tricks my anxiety plays on me to solve itself, and disbelieving them by b and c, over and over again. Only then will I have built a new memory center, a new planet, of bitching and complaining that pulls my focus into it and emits true responses.
Reminder 4 to self:
Question
Why don’t I just say what the the distraction is? Grief. The grief from the loss of the momentum caused by the end of whatever I was just doing,
Answer
Because grief would not be a distraction if it went away instantly. While grief is brief, like all emotion, it keeps coming back in waves that don’t go away instantly. Therefore, it distracts me from focusing on my true response. Thus, the distraction is not the grief, it’s the delay in the pleasure of getting it over with in the instant I have to transition, that is, change, my focus from forming to externalizing my true response. My high pain of failing to ignore that delay compels me to fix the pain. But I must not give in. I have to train myself to suffer that pain through that instant by mechanically focusing on externalizing my true response. Tall order.
I’m not procrastinating. I’m stuck in this thought of I’m getting older and everyone is and they’re going to die and stuff.
What one do I follow for that? I have not done this in a while and I’m forgetting. 🙁
Here’s how I do it. You may do it with some differences I can’t see.
“poor me, getting older, everyone will die, including me
poor me, what’s the point?
bad me magnifying the negative in what I have to do right now, to my whole life and everyone else’s
poor me, feeling sorry for myself
Because poor me if I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself, I’d see I’m in the pain of failing to ignore distractions, namely, the delay in the pleasure of getting over the grief from the loss of momentum caused by the end of what I was just doing: playing on my phone.
At then end of my thought ..” And so on until I arrive at my true response in that moment, for example “go brush my teeth” or “wash some dishes”.
Anything bigger than this is a psr, because really, my whole life is in that moment. Past and future are just psrs if they come in at that moment.
How to b&c trauma?
Example: I saw something I wish I hadn’t seen, now everytime I see something similar, I am reminded of said thing I wish I hadn’t seen, thus ruining my mood.
Whenever my body/clothing gets in close proximity to something (that I don’t consider to be clean), I react as though I did touch it, and therefore I am unclean, pm.
Gm I’ll see how much trouble I’m in by inspecting the surface of the environment.
Pm I notice it is dirty. I don’t know where it came from, now im really scared.
Gm fix this unclean feeling by changing my clothing.
Pm I’m exausted from all the other cleaning that I did today (and I can’t guarantee it will go perfectly).
Gm I tell myself I don’t care about this issue anymore, and to just go back to what I was doing before.
Pm I can’t keep my focus onto what I was doing before; I get disctracted by the image of dirt on my cloths.
Pm I’m forever unclean; this filth on my clothing will spread to many other parts of my environment and then back onto me in a never ending cycle.
Gm feeling sorry for myself, I’m in some relief.
Gm get back to what I was doing.
Pm still unclean.
Gm think of ways I can solve this filth on me, and on my environment.
Pm I found flaws with my solution.
Gm I just want to get rid of this pain/misery.
Gm stick to my solution because its better then nothing.
Gm I plan to change my cloths and wash them; gm, I can relax now… Which means, good me, I’m clinging to fear.
Pm I can’t do anything unselfconsciously because then I wouldn’t be in control of the pain of failing to ignore distractions.
Excellent b and c.
I would cut it at about three statements of psrs and do this:
Bad me, self attack by magnifying the negative in dirt to a worst-case scenario (see The Database of Psr’s)
Because poor me if I didn’t …..distractions, namely, the delay in the pleasure of getting over the grief of the loss of momentum of what I was just doing. (and I would describe that)…
at the end of my thought that forms my true response…..mechanically (externalize what I pictured myself doing next)….and so on to the point where I just do it.
Number of repetitions to get this to settle down so it’s not so intense: many.
I have a hard time connecting to others. I get anxious at the moment I observe I want to connect and it prevents me from having a perspective on how to consider them.
Example1: Seeing someone I’m attracted to at the store and having the urge to approach them. The issues i’m seeing in my mind are 1. I’m failing to consider them in my approach and 2. even if I did think of something to say, its unconfortible to show my self-expression because I have to do so without knowing what will happen after I do.
Example2: My friend tells me he is soon to receive a large order of meat. We both like meat, but I can’t seem to develop that into a sentence.
I’ve written 2 examples because they are both good ones and are fresh in my memory.
I need help figuring out, in a theoretical sence, what connecting is, and why the pain it creates is so severe that I have to avoid trying/give up. Maybe the POFTI is just naturally too severe or maybe the severity could be explained by PF2 and PF3. Also, I’m unsure about what it is that I’m failing to ignore; maybe it’s the differences in their minds that I notice when trying to consider them, or maybe it’s their potential dissaproval (even though there is no need to shun lazy consideration). I’d like to hear your thoughts.
No theory needed here. The theory will come clear with practice.
Example 1: gm (good me), I’m feeling attraction. (or more likely, gm, beauty, nice).
pm (poor me), the feeling’s already gone and I’m grieving it’s loss.
bm (bad me), I’m magnifying the negative (grief) to it lasting forever.
pm, now I’m afraid I’ll mope, be sad, forever, I’m a loser, and many other self attacks to make me afraid.
gm, to solve my fear, I’ll recall the nice feeling and extend it, magnify it, to attraction.
gm, I love the fantasy that I can create attraction in another by showing my attraction, .
bm (bad me), I’ve turned this fantasy into a fantasized standard, that says I have to act on the fantasy.
pm, I feel inferior to the standard because I’m doing nothing to meet it.
gm, I’ll solve my feeling sorry for myself by imagining myself meeting the standard by approaching
gm, to do this I imagine approaching will go my way, by approaching nicely, coolly, (or some other manipulation to get approval) thus producing the urge to approach,
pm, I’ll be rejected because I’ll be seen as inappropriate, which,
gm, I agree with.
pm, urge gone, attraction over, I missed out.
because, pm, if I didn’t do all this to myself, and more, I’m afraid I’ll see I’m in the pofti (pain of failing to ignore)
distractions, namely, this nice feeling is behind me and therefore I no longer want to connect to it, (because I can’t, in reality,) to make me happy, (to connect means to own, to say, “this is the true me”, to become one with),
at the end of my thought that forms my true response: I’m connecting to myself in my decision that this coincidence of beauty that triggered this feeling of appreciation has served its purpose (the purpose being to remind me I can appreciate, enjoy, beauty that I didn’t create, cause, control), and is now over,
and the happiness I get from this decision is all the happiness I can get (in other words, don’t beat this dead horse with fantasies that I can hustle this person and cause them to be attracted to me, but really, cause them to approve of my private appreciation of their beauty to offset, solve, my self-attack (poor me) about it being over so quickly),
now take this little happiness and move on to what I can connect to next (after I’ve connected to, been, appreciative, and then connected to my observation that it’s over), which is, (usually), whatever I was doing before this joyful coincidence,
or don’t take this happiness and be unhappy, by trying to perfect it (my little happiness) using the fantasized standard that says:
I have to make this person approve of my appreciation of their (his/her/in-between) beauty,
in order to make myself feel liking moving on (transitioning to the low return, that is boring, unfeeling, non-motivational, work of finding and forming my next true response),
or else I’ll have to move on without feeling like it and be miserable forever.
The point of all this, other than the obvious point that there’s a lot of thought work to do here, is that feeling like moving thought onward never happens. I have to move thought onward mechanically, without feeling like it, without so-called “motivation”. To seek feeling-like doing anything is a psr, that is, it’s entirely imaginary; and only makes me a dependent passive person who is constantly looking for the next positive feeling in the fantasy that the positive feeling will make me function in my life. It won’t. It will make my mind move constantly between happy and sad.
Example 2. gm, I like meat.
gm, I want to share this with my friend.
pm, I can’t predict he’ll approve.
bm, (bad me) I’m magnifying this negative (as usual), to
pm, scare me into
gm, solving it by stopping the words that first come to my mind and editing them.
pm, my edit either sucks or it doesn’t come, that is, I’m blank.
gm, I avoid finishing the thought of sharing, or
bm, self-attack through my friends eyes that I’m inferior in some way,
because pm, if I didn’t (do all this to myself),
I’m afraid I’ll be in the pofti
distractions, namely, (since it’s the same distraction as above, use that wording)
at the end of my thought that forms my true response, my initial wording is good enough for a spontaneous expression to someone who knows and accepts my word-forming weaknesses – in fact spontaneity is a celebration of my correctly reading this – and it’s now over,
and the happiness I get from this decision is all the happiness I can get.
Now take this little happiness and move on to what I can connect to next, which is say the first words that pop into my head.
Or don’t take it and be unhappy from trying to perfect it by using the fantasized standard that I have to find and edit every possible wording until it’s so perfect I can predict he’ll approve of it,
to get me to feel like saying my spontaneous words,
or I’ll have to say them without feeling like it and be miserable forever.
Got it?
Yes, I got it. And thank you.
I’ve edited the format to make it easier to read and correct.
PM I still don’t feel like myself after an issue between J and I.
PM I’m afraid this feeling will continue forever.
BM this is a self attack using a worst case scenario to get me to work hard at perfecting my mind to going back to before the issue to get relief from the imaginary fear I just created with my self attack.
Because PM if I weren’t scaring myself into seeking relief from imaginary fears I’m afraid I’ll see I’m in the POFI distractions namely the delay in the pleasure of getting the grief, from the loss of momentum of how things were going before (??) over with.
Correction # 1: Is the issue resolved ? If so the distraction is “this issue’s behind me and therefore I no longer want to connect to it to make me happy. If you shunned, “J is behind me and therefore I no longer ..”
If not resolved, try “the issue of observing a problem I can’t solve now is behind me and I no longer…”.
Correction #2; This correction over-rides correction # 1. I can see how you would choose the distraction “loss of momentum”, if you’re true response is as you said below “start studying”. The wording you started with makes sense if you don’t mention the “issue between J and I” again .But you did mention it again and confused yourself.
However, you correctly saw the “issue” as a ploy to make yourself feel afraid by magnifying the problem (PF2 in the database of psrs) so you would solve that fear, in the fantasy that the feeling of control from the solving would then make you feel like studying.
At the end of my thought, I’m already dead inside about ignoring this distraction, the delay in the pleasure of getting this grief over with, but I have to ignore anyway. So start ignoring this delay by focusing on mechanically letting the issue go (??).
Correction Correct wording for your chosen distraction, except that you’re right about questioning “letting the issue go (??). That’s not your true response, because your obsessing (if I may use that word lightly, in the sense that everyone repeatedly tries to solve what upsets them to some degree or other) about the “issue” is a psr diversion away from studying.
For practice, not to get you studying, for the other distractions I offered above, try “at the end of my thought, I’m connecting to myself in my decision that observing a problem I can’t solve now is all that can be done in this moment and the happiness I get from this decision is all the happiness I can get.
Now take this little happiness and move on to what I can connect to next, namely, (insert my choice here).(studying)
Or don’t take it and be unhappy, from trying to perfect it by adding approval from a fantasized standard that says I have to perfect the past to make me feel like taking my happiness or I’ll have to take this little, (brief, imperfect) happiness without feeling like it and thus be miserable forever. (This means that all happiness can be faulted, to make me fix the faults, to make me feel like taking my happiness. See the psr dependence on perfecting happiness to make me feel like taking it, and thus the dependence on feeling-like doing anything?)
PM I still feel crappy which means
GM I’m clinging to fear that I’ll have to let the issue go (change this to “I’ll have to sudy” without feeling like it and thus be miserable, because
GM I love the fantasy that I can avoid this fear I just created and get relief from it,
without triggering more fear and getting caught in the momentum of fear-driven seeking of relief, in the form of (not sure what could go here),
Correction. What should go here: “forever avoiding my true response: studying (as you mention a few words ahead).
in the fantasy that (blank) (use: “avoiding studying by solving the issue and eating” will make me feel like studying.
Because PM if I didn’t love this fantasy that I can get just this one feeling of relief from fear and not trigger the momentum of fear-driven seeking of relief, like I’m in now (in the form of obsessing the issue and eating),
I’m afraid I’ll see I’m in the pain of failing to ignore distractions, namely, the delay in the pleasure of getting the grief, from the loss of momentum of whatever I’m doing (that isn’t a psr diversion away from studying) (I would choose planning to study as the thing that had momentum. Because, dreaming of doing something is pleasurable because it’s easy to picture. But the moment of decision to act on the plan, kills the pleasure of the momentum of the dreaming, causing grief, which becomes a distraction that needs to be ignored, which I will fail at my first few tries, thus triggering my high pofti.Thus, outside this bracket,) “from the loss of momentum of planning to study”x over with.
At the end of my thought I’m already dead inside about this ignoring (this is short for “…dead inside about ignoring this distraction, the dealy in the pleasure of getting the grief, from the loss of momentum of planning, over with) but I have to ignore anyway, so start ignoring the delay in the pleasure of getting this grief over with, by focusing on mechanically letting the issue and crappy feeling go?
Correction: Stick to studying, thus “…by focusing on mechanically starting studying.
Reminder: repetition is the key here. It’s also the hardest part to get used to. Possible aid:I think of my choices in my lifetime: either I spend it solving imaginary fears, which trigger imaginary feelings, or I bitch and complain to repeatedly get to my true response. B&c is not a cure or a treatment. It’s an offset to permanent high pain of failing to ignore that occurs with every decision the brain makes. The more I do b&c/flow, the more it works early in psrs, and the more my brain gets use to it.
BM, I’m still afraid of the finding fault in myself through the eyes of others (mostly R) to get relief from this self attack, because
PM, if I weren’t using this imaginary fear to scare myself into solving it, in order to get relief, I’m afraid I’ll be in pain, POFI
distraction namely, the issue of my self attack is behind me and I no longer want to connect to get to make me happy
At the end of my thought, that forms my true response, I’m connecting to myself in my decision that getting into my night time cleansing is all that can be done at this moment and the happiness I get from this decision, is all the happiness I can get, now take this little happiness and move onto what I can connect to next which is picking what step I need to do next or don’t take this happiness and be unhappy, by trying to profect it by adding approval from a fantasied standard that says I have to profect my happiness by solving future self attacks, to make me feel like taking it, or my happiness is inferior and I’ll be miserable if I take it without feeling like it.
1. “BM, I’m still afraid” : use PM, and still is a signal that you’re clinging, so use the clinging phrases. And remember to keep repeating until they work.
2. “distraction namely”: a psr, “issue of my self attack”, cannot be a distraction. Your distraction is “the issue of getting into my night time cleansing is behind me”
3. “that says I have to perfect my happiness by solving future self attacks” : too general but close in the idea. Use: I have to get keep imagining R’s disapproval and solving it, …..or I’ll be miserable ….. That last part is good. I would add “forever” after miserable, to make it reflect what your afraid of about taking happiness that isn’t forever. Good work. Sorry for the delay. Working nonstop daily on learning how to recreate the website.
I appreciate all your hard work. I couldn’t have made the progress I’ve made without this site. Thanks very much and Merry Christmas.
Quick question. Was it the repetition that worked or recognizing that your fear is always completely imaginary, a self-attack, which you pegged well. I know that’s a leading question, but I’m confident you can sort it out. And a Merry Christmas to you too, “if it ain’t outta keepin wi the situation”. (From Dickens’ A Christmas Carol).
It is mostly the repetition that is working. I’m still learning the new clinging flow (85%) got it. I need to add the fear is completely imaginary to my flow more often. It is still really tuff to feel and mean everything I say. I struggle with the destraction that is behind me and the delay in the pleasure…. I wish I asked more questions and took more time to understand it all.
I’m still pretty fucked up but will not stop till it works. Thanks for listening.
Thanks for answering my question. The repetition needs to be done a lot a lot. (That’s not a typo). The result will be your brain catching your self-attacks early, which will turn off the negative feelings they create. When they turn off, you don’t need to finish the long sentences. Although you may want to keep them fresh in memory from time to time.
PM, I’m nervous M will disapprove when I tell him I not interested in meeting him for coffee because
PM, if I weren’t, I’m afraid I’ll see I’ll be in the POFTI distractions namely, the delay in the pleasure of getting the grief from the loss of momentum of ending it after the first conversation overwith.
At the end of my thought, I’m already dead inside about this ignoring but I have to ignore anyway, so start ignoring the delay in the pleasure of getting the grief overwith, by focusing on mechanically ending it sooner.
Good work.
Reconsider your distraction. Because your true response is “tell him I’m not interested”, and “ending it”, the issue of telling him is behind you.
Therefore, your distraction is “the issue of telling him is behind me and therefore I no longer want to connect to it to make me happy”.
That changes your last paragraph. The wording matches this post Still more how to do it: Seeing Sequence meet the end of thought, where happiness is
Change to: At the end of my thought that forms my true response,
I’m connecting to myself in my decision that telling him I’m not interested in meeting him for coffee (or “ending it”) is all that can be done in this moment.
And the happiness I get from this decision is all the happiness I can get.
Now take this little happiness and move on to what I can connect to next,
which is (whatever is on my mind to go to, usually related to the issue).
Or don’t take this happiness and be unhappy from trying to perfect it,
by adding approval from a fantasized standard (PF5, see database of psr’s) that says I have to perfect my happiness (with ending it) to make me feel like taking it,
or my (imperfect) happiness is inferior and I’ll be miserable forever if I take it without feeling like it.
Now I do Step 4 of the Seeing Sequence: I wait to see what comes into my mind next. If it’s my true response – in this case I find myself ending it – then I’m done b&c because it worked. If anything else comes in, I b&c again using the clinging phrases. For clinging phrases, see Still more how to do it: Seeing Sequence meets the end of thought, where happiness is
Thanks for your help, especially the part on “or don’t take this little happiness”
Love the new section you added.
Yw and Tks.
I added a line to the bottom of my previous reply for completion.
Could you put an example of say having anxiety that your daughter will like going to her dads so much that she will leave you and go to live there. Like shes having her first sleepover and now your anxiety is going like crazy….would it be good me I love the fantasy that my daughter will only love me. or poor my my daughter is going to like going to her dads and leave me forever. bad me this is a worse case scenario to get me to work harder into a panic….
You’re good.
I’m I failing to ignore distractions, namely, her disapproval?
Or, failing to ignore distractions, namely, ….. something about her not needing me or her not liking me…. how do I deal with her wanting to go there? Why does she like them? Does she like them more then me? If I say no to her going there all the time will I end up losing her?
I know you know these questions are psr’s and therefore are not the distraction. Thus, you’re focus on figuring out the distraction is correct.
if its her disapproval. then at the end of my thought shun her lazy consideration…but I don’t know that she is in lazy consideration….
or would it be something else… like the one about happiness… or don’t take this happiness and be unhappy….i forget the rest
Good focus on defining the distraction. I haven’t posted about happiness yet. That will be titled “The Seeing Sequence meets attacks on my happiness”.
Thank you! Love this post! Very helpful 🙂
Yes, but not your email address.