The "easiest" way to change
(First published July 2018) Updated November 2024.
Addiction is me logically choosing to do something that gives me pleasure. That’s what I can see.
But, I discovered, there’s a link to something I can’t see. The pleasure gives me a feeling of relief.
Relief from what?
Updated April 10-14, 2024, January 27, 2025
I have to clean. It’s the last thing I want to do. Have to, want to. Enemies. The opposite ends of my conundrum. A conundrum is a decision made difficult by opposite and equal choices, a dilemma.
Back story: I’m in the middle of a want-to activity, and the pleasure of momentum it creates. Then I remember I have to do the clean. Momentum lost. Ouch! I immediately check to see if I felt like doing the clean. Nope. Okay, I begin to search for something that creates that want-to/feel-like urge I just lost. This immediately makes me uptight; because I’m now being pulled back and forth in my head, between two opposing fears. On one side, fear of losing a want-to, say, any pleasure, by doing a have-to, clean. On the other side, fear of losing a have-to, clean, by doing a want-to, eat. I’m trying to have it both ways: feeling like doing something that can’t create feeling like it. The pull from each side creates wicked tension. I need to stop it. I need to get relief.
I’m thinking of a list of what to eat. I come to the end of the list. Now I need to change from picturing the different foods to choosing one. Yikes! I can’t make the change, the transition, to choosing.
Last checked for editing: January 22/2025. None needed. It’s timeless.
I’m always hearing I have to learn to be less anxious. But it’s all wrong. I was born this way. And I can’t unlearn it. So I don’t need to tell myself not to be afraid. That just makes it worse and adds guilt that I failed to stop the fear. Now I’m afraid of being afraid.
And there’s more.
Is:
Isn’t:
Updated April 21, 2024; December 5, 2024; January 19, 2025;
I procrastinate, which means I put off doing things. “Later baby. That’s my motto.” I even do it with the littlest things, like going to bed. It has ruined my life in so many ways.
I try to change your mind out of your lazy consideration of me. And I fail. And it hurts a lot.
The above problem unpacked
Updated November 27, 2024
Whenever I feel happy, I immediately find fault with it/second guess it/attack it/oppose it.
Why does negative emotion stay in my brain way too long. and fight back if I fight it, that is, if I have a problem-solving response (psr) to it? For example, if I try not to be angry, I get more angry. Same with the pain of failure.
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