Updated April 21, 2024; December 5, 2024; January 19, 2025; October 2025
The Problem
I procrastinate, which means I put off doing things. “Later baby. That’s my motto.” I even do it with the littlest things, like going to bed. It has ruined my life in so many ways.
The Cause
Not upbringing, not experiences. Instead, psr’s. Psr = inappropriate or imaginary problem solving response. It’s not real solving of real stuff. Ipsr is too long and doesn’t roll off the tongue well, so … psr – problem solving response.
The Solution, The Change
Bitch and complain (also called “flow” or “flow-with”) the psr’s, often many times (instructions are in the examples below). The repetitions build a memory center that pulls my focus into it. While there, I don’t oppose myself by finding fault with every thought that forms my true response (my decision). Instead, I simply externalize it.
Good to know:
- While my mind can go blank, it’s rare compared to my mind’s almost constant stream of thoughts and feelings. This stream causes many distractions, all day every day. I need to be good at ignoring them.
- All loss, no matter how small, causes pain. That pain is the feeling called grief. Thus, loss causes grief.
- Failure causes loss of what I was trying to do. Therefore, failure causes grief. The most important failure in daily life is the failure to ignore distractions which occur at the end of my thought that forms my true response, my decision. My decision is not a psr. It’s the real true me. I call the grief from failing to ignore distractions, at the moment my true response appears, the pain of failing to ignore.
- Everyone is born with a different intensity of the pain of failing to ignore.
- If my pain of failing to ignore is strong, I am naturally afraid of it. Since a decision triggers the need to ignore distractions, which trigger my high pain of failing to ignore, which triggers my fear of the pain, I’m afraid of making any decision. When my fear of making a decision appears, I’m compelled to solve the fear. So, I find problems – faults – with the decision and solve them. I get the positive feeling of relief. Relief replaces my fear and so distracts me from the pain of failing to ignore. The result: I’m always editing (looking for and solving flaws), that is, problem-solving, the thoughts that form my decisions in order to get relief from my normal fear of this abnormally high pain.
- One of these edits/problem-solving responses (psr’s) to a decision is the fantasy that the feeling of relief will make me feel like acting, feel motivated to act, on my decision. (Here lieth the source of the world’s fruitless search for motivation.) But it doesn’t work. As soon as I solve one problem, a new one appears. In fact, solving signals my brain that I want to do more solving, so I can get more relief. So, it brings me more problems. I call this constant line of psr’s “fear driven seeking of relief” or “second guessing” or “obsessing” about my decision.
- If my pain of failing to ignore is weak, I’m not afraid of it. Therefore I don’t produce anxiety – an abnormal fear of a normal situation, and other psr’s that mess around with my decision.
- All emotions, including grief caused by loss of anything, big or small, will keep coming back if opposed or avoided. To solve grief, including by avoiding it, is to oppose it. As a result, solving grief causes it to come back.
- All my problems are caused by me trying to solve/oppose the pain of failing to ignore. Culture says I should fix this pain. My brain says I should feel it, suffer it, and see how it won’t harm me if I do. This will make me ignore it by my moving on to seeing and externalizing my true response/my decision.
The Seeing Sequence, which is the sequence of bitching and complaining /flow in order to see my true response, gets me to stop trying to solve the pain of failing to ignore. As a result, the pain, like all emotion, runs out by itself, most often in bits, not all at once. A good but not must-read: Why the Seeing Sequence works.
(Notice: words in brackets below mean I can choose from several wordings, or the words are instructions or blanks to fill in that fit my experience.)
How to Bitch and Complain/Flow with Psr’s using the following Example List
1. I don’t feel like…getting up, going to work, going to my education course, studying, paying my bills, eating good food, cleaning my living space. I don’t feel like doing anything. I wait for trouble caused by putting things off to make me feel like doing stuff.
2. I look for high return work before I do low return work. This sweeps me away. I don’t do the low return work until the delay puts me in pain.
Specifics: I wash all the easy dishes first. I look for easy weeds to pull before I dig out the hard ones, I read the easy stuff and skip the hard stuff when I study, I memorize material instead of trying to understand it, I talk about my feelings to avoid doing something that looks hard. And on and on…
3. One psr that’s hard to see: as I go to do some easy thing, I check to see if there’s something else to do first, and often something else again. I’m procrastinating.
Example 1
I don’t feel like doing anything.
Step 1
Pick the thought or feeling I think is a psr. Optional: A useful guide: The Database of Psr’s
I don’t feel like it.
Classify my emotional response to the psr using three simple classes:
“good me” for feelings that are positive (pleasure) or for feelings that I imagine will solve things fast (anger always comes with the fantasy that I can shake up the environment into going my way),
“bad me” for hurting or judging myself.
“poor me” for fear and for feeling sorry for myself.
(NB. I decide on how many psr’s I want to b and c. It could be just one, or I could do all of them until they stop coming. The more I practice, the closer I get to one, then a ghost of one, then none. The number of practices is like learning to walk, or to play a musical instrument, or to play a sport well or to cook food well, or do anything well. It’s a large number. )
Like this:
I don’t feel like _______, poor me.
Good me, I’ll do it later when I feel like it.
Bad me, I’m predicting I’ll never be able to have fun doing things if I do it now while I don’t feel like it.
This makes me afraid. Poor me.
Good me, go do some pleasure seeking. (PS 1 or 2 in the database). Fear gone.
Good me, things will go my way later.
Bad me, I have to feel motivated (another way of saying I have to feel like it) to do things. (PF 5, finding fault in myself using a fantasized standard – “have to”).
I’ll pretend that this thing I’m putting off is important. That will make me feel like doing it. Good me.
Poor me. It didn’t work because it creates more pressure on me to do it.
I’ll avoid that pressure by putting this thing off until later. Good me.
Now I’m in pain from all the things that went wrong caused by my procrastinating. Poor me.
Good me, at least now I feel like doing it.
Step 2
The reversal: (find the cause of the psr’s, not by asking why, but by imagining what I would see if I didn’t do psr’s to myself.)
Because poor me if I didn’t (scare myself into putting things off ’til I’m in pain),
I’m afraid I’ll see I’m in the pain of failing to ignore distractions, (which occur at the end of my thought that forms my true response; that wording is coming 4 lines below)
namely, the delay in the pleasure of getting over the grief from the loss
of momentum caused by the end of what I was just doing:
(namely) forming my decision to do something now.
At the end of my thought that forms my true response:
I’m already dead inside about this act of ignoring. (Dead inside means I don’t at all feel like ignoring)
But I have to ignore anyway (if I want to do what looks impossible: get it done now).
So start ignoring the delay by focusing on
(ignoring is done by focusing on something other than the thing I want to ignore)(I want to ignore the delay in getting over grief, so I focus on something – the doing – other than solving/opposing the delay in getting over grief)
mechanically (which means without feeling like it/without motivation) starting to externalize what I decided to do by matching my action to my action image.
Step 3
Wait to see what comes into my mind.
If another psr, repeat Steps 1 and 2 until: psr’s stop, or I decide to stop, or I run out of time and have to do something else.
If my true response, I will shrink my focus to the first step of doing. Just that. Major accomplishment. Now go do something pleasurable. Or why don’t I keep going. I’m already into it, after all.
Example 2
I look for high return work…
Step 1
Pick the thought or feeling I think is a psr. Optional: A useful guide: The Database of Psr’s
I do the easy thing.
Classify my emotional response to the psr using three simple classes:
“good me” for feelings that are positive (pleasure) or for feelings that I imagine will solve things fast (anger always comes with the fantasy that I can shake up the environment into going my way),
“bad me” for hurting or judging myself.
“poor me” for fear and for feeling sorry for myself.
(NB. I decide on how many psr’s I want to b and c. It could be just one, or I could do all of them until they stop coming. The more I practice, the closer I get to one, then a ghost of one, then none. The number of practices is like learning to walk or talk, or to play a musical instrument, or to play a sport well or to cook food well, or do anything well. It’s a large number. )
Like this:
I love _____(doing easy stuff first: here I describe the easy stuff). Good me.
Step 2
The reversal: (find the cause of the psr’s, not by asking why, but by imagining what I would see if I didn’t do psr’s to myself.)
Because poor me if I didn’t love doing this (easy stuff)
I’m afraid I’ll see I’m in the pain of failing to ignore distractions, (which occur at the end of my thought that forms my true response; that wording is coming 4 lines below)
namely, the delay in the pleasure of getting over the grief from the loss
of momentum caused by the end of what I was just doing:
(namely) experiencing a problem I can’t solve now: coming across something hard to do, that is, a low return task, which ended the momentum I was in.
At the end of my thought that forms my true response:
I’m already dead inside about this act of ignoring. (Dead inside means I don’t at all feel like ignoring)
But I have to ignore anyway (if I want to get to the hard thing now).
So start ignoring the delay by focusing on
(ignoring is done by focusing on something other than the thing I want to ignore)(I want to ignore the delay in getting over grief, so I focus on something – the doing – other than solving/opposing the delay in getting over grief)
mechanically starting the transition from high momentum to low momentum by doing the starting steps of the low return task.
Step 3
Wait to see what comes into my mind.
If another psr, repeat Steps 1 and 2 until: psr’s stop, or I decide to stop, or I run out of time and have to do something else.
If my true response, I will focus through that first low-return step, and then isolate the next step and get through that and so on until I have more momentum, until I’m into it.
Example 3
As I go to do some easy thing, I check to see if there’s something else to do first.
I have to finish this something else first even though my time is up to do what I decided to do.
For example, I have to put some dishes away as I go to bed. But then I have to check my hair, then I have to put this cereal away, then…I eventually get to bed late, again.
Step 1
Pick the thought or feeling I think is a psr. Optional: A useful guide: The Database of Psr’s
Just get this one thing out of the way. It will only take a second.
Classify my emotional response to the psr using three simple classes:
“good me” for feelings that are positive (pleasure) or for feelings that I imagine will solve things fast (anger always comes with the fantasy that I can instantly shake up the environment into going my way),
“bad me” for hurting or judging myself.
“poor me” for fear and for feeling sorry for myself.
(NB. I decide on how many psr’s I want to b and c. It could be just one, or I could do all of them until they stop coming. The more I practice, the closer I get to one, then a ghost of one, then none. The number of practices is like learning to walk or talk, or to play a musical instrument, or to play a sport well or to cook food well, or do anything well. It’s a large number. )
Like this:
Bad me, I predict (going to bed) will fail to be easy .
Good me, I can put this dish away. It will be quick.
Poor me, I see my hair doesn’t look right.
Good me, I can fix it quick.
Poor me, I forgot to _____ (name it), and it’s giving me tension.
Good me, I’ll just do it now.
Step 2
The reversal: (find the cause of the psr’s, not by asking why, but by imagining what I would see if I didn’t do psr’s to myself.)
Because poor me if I didn’t _____ (get myself uptight about things not done) on my way to ______ (bed)),
I’m afraid I’ll see I’m in the pain of failing to ignore distractions, (which occur at the end of my thought that forms my true response; that wording is coming 4 lines below)
namely, the delay in the pleasure of getting over the grief from the loss
of momentum caused by the end of what I was just doing:
(namely) deciding to go to bed/picturing going to bed/forming my action image of going to bed.
At the end of my thought that forms my true response:
I’m already dead inside about this act of ignoring. (Dead inside means I don’t at all feel like ignoring)
But I have to ignore anyway (if I want to go straight to bed for once).
So start ignoring the delay by focusing on
mechanically moving toward my bed.
Step 3
Wait to see what comes into my mind.
If another psr, repeat Steps 1 and 2.
If my true response, I don’t think left, I don’t think right. I think bed. Only. And I go there.
Postscript
Reminder 1 to self:
To b and c or not to b and c. That is the question. To b and c is to suffer the frustration of missing the signal – a psr – to b and c an astonishingly large number of times. To not b and c is to suffer constant anxiety and the exhausting work of trying to solve it. Thus, both ways suck. Only I can decide which way I want my existence to suck in any moment, when I do catch the signal, the psr.
Reminder 2 to self:
I need to memorize these sentences or I’ll never do them. And even when I do memorize them, it will take more suffering my anxiety before I remember to do them, and even more suffering before I even decide to do them after I remember. Even then, I’ll need more practice to do it live, in the moment. That’s the easiest way? Yup.
Reminder 3 to self:
The above two reminders are about what causes change in my brain: persistent practice that builds alternate memory centers. Change doesn’t come from judgement or punishment or encouragement or copying rules or help from another. So I’m free not to use them, and I’m especially free of needing to judge myself for not using them. To repeat in another way: the only thing that changes my brain is seeing through the tricks my anxiety plays on me to solve itself, and disbelieving them by b and c, over and over again. Only then will I have built a new memory center, a new planet, of bitching and complaining that pulls my focus into it and emits true responses.
Reminder 4 to self:
Question
Why don’t I just say what the the distraction is? Grief. The grief from the loss of the momentum caused by the end of whatever I was just doing,
Answer
Because grief would not be a distraction if it went away instantly. While grief is brief, like all emotion, it keeps coming back in waves that don’t go away instantly. Therefore, it distracts me from focusing on my true response. Thus, the distraction is not the grief, it’s the delay in the pleasure of getting it over with in the instant I have to transition, that is, change, my focus from forming to externalizing my true response. My high pain of failing to ignore that delay compels me to fix the pain. But I must not give in. I have to train myself to suffer that pain through that instant by mechanically focusing on externalizing my true response. Tall order.
I’m not procrastinating. I’m stuck in this thought of I’m getting older and everyone is and they’re going to die and stuff.
What one do I follow for that? I have not done this in a while and I’m forgetting. 🙁
It depends on what decision is triggering psr’s. Try matching the decision to the post titles.
Here’s how I do it. You may do it with some differences I can’t see.
“poor me, getting older, everyone will die, including me
poor me, what’s the point?
bad me magnifying the negative in what I have to do right now, to my whole life and everyone else’s
poor me, feeling sorry for myself
Because poor me if I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself, I’d see I’m in the pain of failing to ignore distractions, namely, the delay in the pleasure of getting over the grief from the loss of momentum caused by the end of what I was just doing: playing on my phone.
At then end of my thought ..” And so on until I arrive at my true response in that moment, for example “go brush my teeth” or “wash some dishes”.
Anything bigger than this is a psr, because really, my whole life is in that moment. Past and future are just psrs if they come in at that moment.
How to b&c trauma?
Example: I saw something I wish I hadn’t seen, now everytime I see something similar, I am reminded of said thing I wish I hadn’t seen, thus ruining my mood.
Why I left off my reply for 3 years: if I’m you, I’ve read something from the site, yet I’m not showing what I think. What is one to do with me? The answer can’t be to answer my question. That would give me the experience of someone doing the work for me. My memory center of psr’s that make me want to get the answer on one try would only grow. Not helpful to me.
In this case, to help is to not help. And wait for me to figure out that I have to show some work on my own. It reflects faith in me doing this, although my psr’s will lead me away from seeing this in the moment I’m not helped.
Whenever my body/clothing gets in close proximity to something (that I don’t consider to be clean), I react as though I did touch it, and therefore I am unclean, pm.
Gm I’ll see how much trouble I’m in by inspecting the surface of the environment.
Pm I notice it is dirty. I don’t know where it came from, now im really scared.
Gm fix this unclean feeling by changing my clothing.
Pm I’m exausted from all the other cleaning that I did today (and I can’t guarantee it will go perfectly).
Gm I tell myself I don’t care about this issue anymore, and to just go back to what I was doing before.
Pm I can’t keep my focus onto what I was doing before; I get disctracted by the image of dirt on my cloths.
Pm I’m forever unclean; this filth on my clothing will spread to many other parts of my environment and then back onto me in a never ending cycle.
Gm feeling sorry for myself, I’m in some relief.
Gm get back to what I was doing.
Pm still unclean.
Gm think of ways I can solve this filth on me, and on my environment.
Pm I found flaws with my solution.
Gm I just want to get rid of this pain/misery.
Gm stick to my solution because its better then nothing.
Gm I plan to change my cloths and wash them; gm, I can relax now… Which means, good me, I’m clinging to fear.
Pm I can’t do anything unselfconsciously because then I wouldn’t be in control of the pain of failing to ignore distractions.
Excellent b and c.
I would cut it at about three statements of psrs and do this:
Bad me, self attack by magnifying the negative in dirt to a worst-case scenario (see The Database of Psr’s – magnifying the problem).
Because poor me if I didn’t …..distractions, namely, the delay in the pleasure of getting over the grief from the loss of momentum of what I was just doing. (and I would describe that)…
at the end of my thought that forms my true response…..mechanically (externalize what I pictured myself doing next)….and so on to the point where I just do it.
Number of repetitions to get this to settle down so it’s not so intense: many.
I have a hard time connecting to others. I get anxious at the moment I observe I want to connect and it prevents me from having a perspective on how to consider them.
Example1: Seeing someone I’m attracted to at the store and having the urge to approach them. The issues i’m seeing in my mind are 1. I’m failing to consider them in my approach and 2. even if I did think of something to say, its unconfortible to show my self-expression because I have to do so without knowing what will happen after I do.
Example2: My friend tells me he is soon to receive a large order of meat. We both like meat, but I can’t seem to develop that into a sentence.
I’ve written 2 examples because they are both good ones and are fresh in my memory.
I need help figuring out, in a theoretical sence, what connecting is, and why the pain it creates is so severe that I have to avoid trying/give up. Maybe the POFTI is just naturally too severe or maybe the severity could be explained by PF2 and PF3. Also, I’m unsure about what it is that I’m failing to ignore; maybe it’s the differences in their minds that I notice when trying to consider them, or maybe it’s their potential dissaproval (even though there is no need to shun lazy consideration). I’d like to hear your thoughts.
Updated October 21, 2025
I admire your dedication to yourself to read my long reply.
Changes (which you will not be able to compare to your old comment because I accidentally erased it when I copied and pasted part of this update):
I’ve narrowed “distractions” down to one thing: “the delay in the pleasure of getting over the grief from the loss of momentum caused by the end of what I was just doing, which was…” and I state whatever I was just doing.
In addition, I’ve classified “the end of what I was just doing” into 5 possible “endings”:
1) “the end of what I was just doing, which was: imagining my action image” (of my true response/decision);
2) “the end of what I was just doing (which was): trying and failing to match my action to my action image – for example “my failing to observe not solve” while trying to fall asleep; or any failure;
3) “the end of what I was just doing: feeling my happiness about my success (at externalizing my true response, in other words, at matching my action to my action image)” A lot of success is more passive than matching. It’s often just experiencing, that is, enjoying, receiving/observing-not-solving (not editing, not perfecting, not putting my mark on) what the environment gives me that fits me and therefore triggers pleasure.
A frequent example is something beautiful coming into my view.For this the wording is “the end of what I was just doing: enjoying, ( or I could say “feeling pleasure about”), my luck at seeing beauty.”
4) “the end of what I was just doing: experiencing a problem I can’t solve now and, mostly, would never solve even if I could: for example, your lazy consideration (of my consideration of you).”
5) “the end of what I was just doing: being in a blank, (a state of no thought or feeling).” This can occur when I don’t know what to think in a situation. It also often occurs when I finish matching my action to my action image and I haven’t decided what to do next. The end of feeling happy is good example. A blank is the most common cause of repeating myself, either in speech or in action. The repeat literally fills in the blank.
I have dropped the following distractions:
1) “this thought is behind me, and therefore I no longer want to connect to it to make me happy” as a way of explaining the distraction is with repeating myself. But I discovered that the thought that has ended, while behind me in time, occurs after the grief from the loss of momentum produced by that same ending. It’s the grief, which takes time to get over, that distracts me from focusing on my true response and if I fail to ignore it, triggers the pain of failing to ignore.
2) “your disapproval of my coming shun” (of your lazy consideration). It’s accurate to predict your disapproval of my shun, but it’s already been factored into my true response. Another way of saying this: at the moment of matching my action or actions to my action image, my brain doesn’t care about consequences, which come only after a successful match. Thus, my focus is on executing my shun. Looking ahead is a psr, specifically, a solution, to my predicting failure, which is also a psr. (Predicting failure to get your approval of my shun.)
End of changes
So here is what I would say today:
No theory needed here. The theory will come clear with practice.
Example 1: gm (good me), beauty, nice.
gm, magnify this positive feeling into attraction
gm, I love the fantasy that I can create attraction in another by showing my attraction,
bm (bad me), predicting failure to get approval
pm, urge gone, attraction over, I missed out.
because,
pm, if I didn’t do all this and more to myself, I’m afraid I’ll see I’m in the pain of failing to ignore distractions,
namely, the delay in the pleasure of getting over the grief from the loss of momentum caused by the end of what I was just doing:
enjoying coincidental beauty,
at the end of my thought that forms my true response: I’m already dead inside about this act of ignoring, but I have to ignore anyway, (if I want to move on)
so start ignoring the delay by focusing on
mechanically remembering, with a touch of feeling lucky, what I came here to do.
Step 3: now wait to see what comes in to my mind.
Example 2. gm, I like meat.
gm, I want to share this with my friend.
pm, I can’t predict he’ll approve.
bm, (bad me) I’m magnifying this negative (as usual), to
pm, scare me into
gm, solving it by stopping the words that first come to my mind and editing them.
pm, my edit either sucks or it doesn’t come, that is, I’m blank.
gm, I avoid finishing the thought of sharing, or
bm, self-attack through my friends eyes that I’m inferior in some way,
because pm, if I didn’t,
I’m afraid I’ll see I’m in the pain of failing to ignore
distractions, namely, the delay in the pleasure of getting over the grief from the loss of momentum caused by the end of what I was just doing: thinking of sharing with my friend, the fellow meat lover, my own romance with meat,
at the end of my thought that forms my true response,
I’m already dead inside about this act of ignoring,
but I have to ignore anyway, if I want to move this decision out (or more technically, “match my action image with action”.
So start ignoring the delay by focusing on mechanically matching the words in my head with the words I say, and giving myself points for the match. Missing the winning phrase shot is immaterial, since my friend will likely tease my wording as a way of appreciating my sharing.
Step 3: Am I doing it or do I have to put myself on the bench and b and c again?
Let me know what you think.
Yes, I got it. And thank you.
Updated October 21, 2025
Katrina,
Read my reply just above here. It’s dated Oct.2, 2025. Read between “Updated.. ” and “End of changes”. It describes significant changes in both distractions and true response.
The material written below, despite being under the heading “Katrina” is written by both of us. I’ve put my feedback, labelled “DocM”, immediately below each set of lines you wrote, which I’ve labelled “K”.
K
PM I still don’t feel like myself after an issue between J and I.
PM I’m afraid this feeling will continue forever.
BM this is a self attack using a worst case scenario to get me to work hard at perfecting my mind to going back to before the issue to get relief from the imaginary fear I just created with my self attack.
Because PM if I weren’t scaring myself into seeking relief from imaginary fears I’m afraid I’ll see I’m in the POFTI (pain of failing to ignore)
distractions namely the delay in the pleasure of getting the grief, from the loss of momentum of how things were going before (??) over with.
DocM
(remember from above changes)…distractions, namely, the delay in the pleasure of getting over the grief from the loss of momentum caused by the end of what I was just doing: trying to resolve an issue with J.
Correction # 1: Is the issue resolved? (I’m asking for context. It’s not part of the b and c steps.)
If so, the wording in Step 2 is “distractions, namely the delay in the pleasure of getting over the grief from the loss of momentum
caused by the end of what I was just doing, feeling happy about (or “the pleasure of”) resolution.”
If you shunned, the wording in Step 2 is the same: “caused by the end of what I was just doing: feeling happy (or “satisfied”) about my successful shun”.
If not resolved, and you haven’t yet shunned J’s lazy consideration, if it happened, the wording in Step 2 is; “caused by the end of what I was just doing: experiencing a problem I can’t solve now and would never solve even if I could – your lazy consideration.”
Correction #2:
You correctly saw the “issue” as a psr to make yourself feel afraid. That psr was “magnifying the problem” (PF2 in the Database of Psrs) so that you would solve that fear, in the fantasy that the feeling of control from solving would then make you feel like studying. Studying was your true response.
So now your wording is:
“at the end of my thought that forms my true response:
I’m already dead inside about this act of ignoring (this distraction, the delay in the pleasure of getting over the grief from the loss of momentum)
but I have to ignore anyway, if I want to move on.
So start ignoring the delay by focusing on mechanically
K
letting the issue go (??).
DocM
Correction: you’re right about questioning “letting the issue go (??). That’s not your true response, the “issue” is a psr diversion away from your decision to transition into studying.
So try “at the end of my thought that forms my true response: I’m already dead inside about this act of ignoring. But I have to ignore anyway, (if I want to move on to studying).
So start ignoring the delay by focusing on mechanically:
doing the steps I take to start studying – get my books and laptop laid out, make myself a coffee mixed with a touch of whiskey, put on my headphones…”
K
(having done Step 3: check to see what comes into my mind next).
PM I still feel crappy which means
GM I’m clinging to fear that I’ll have to let the issue go
DocM (change “I’ll have to let the issue go” to “I’ll have to study”
K
without feeling like it and thus be miserable, because
GM I love the fantasy that I can avoid this fear
DocM
of starting studying without feeling like it
K
that I just created and get relief from it,
without triggering more fear and getting caught in the momentum of fear-driven seeking of relief, in the form of (not sure what could go here),
DocM
Correction. What should go here: “in the form of forever going back and forth between “the issue” and “studying” (as you mention a few words ahead).
K
in the fantasy that (blank)
DocM (use: “in the fantasy that avoiding studying by solving the issue and eating” will make me feel like studying.
K
Because PM if I didn’t love this fantasy that I can get just this one feeling of relief from fear and not trigger the momentum of fear-driven seeking of relief,
DocM: try “fear-driven seeking of the positive feeling of relief (in other words “bad momentum” or “momentum of panic” (panic does not have to be immobilizing. It just has to have this feeling of loss of control because of being caught up in a string of psr self-attacks and counter-attacks. It’s a universal experience driven by fear and by not recognizing the string early. The key to recognizing the string early is to see and label the psr called “jumping to a worst-case scenario).
K
I’m afraid I’ll see I’m in the pain of failing to ignore distractions,
namely, the delay in the pleasure of getting
DocM over
K
the grief, from the loss of momentum of
DocM whatever I was just doing (that isn’t a psr diversion away from studying) (I would choose planning to study as the thing that had momentum. Because, dreaming of doing something is pleasurable because it’s easy to picture. But the moment of decision to act on the plan kills the pleasure of the momentum of the dreaming, causing grief, which becomes a distraction that needs to be ignored, which I will fail at my first few tries, thus triggering my high pofti.Thus, outside this bracket,) “whatever I was just doing: forming my plan to study”.
“At the end of my thought that forms my true response: I’m already dead inside about this act of ignoring (this wording efficiently leaves out “… ignoring the delay in the pleasure of getting over the grief from the loss of momentum of planning)
but I have to ignore anyway if I want to externalize the action image of my plan to study. So start ignoring the delay (in the pleasure of getting this grief over with), by focusing on mechanically matching my action image – planning to study – with action.
Reminder: repetition is the key here. It’s also the hardest part to get used to because it can seem to take way longer, than one can imagine, to get an unselfconscious match between action and action image. Possible aid: to paraphrase Reminder 1 to self, written above, I think of my choices in my lifetime: either I spend it solving imaginary fears, which trigger imaginary feelings, or I bitch and complain to repeatedly get to my true response. B and c is not a cure or a treatment. It’s an offset to permanent high pain of failing to ignore that occurs with every decision the brain makes. The more I do b and c/flow, the more it works early in psrs, and the more my brain gets use to it.
BM, I’m still afraid of the finding fault in myself through the eyes of others (mostly R) to get relief from this self attack, because
PM, if I weren’t using this imaginary fear to scare myself into solving it, in order to get relief, I’m afraid I’ll be in pain, POFI
distraction namely, the issue of my self attack is behind me and I no longer want to connect to get to make me happy
At the end of my thought, that forms my true response, I’m connecting to myself in my decision that getting into my night time cleansing is all that can be done at this moment and the happiness I get from this decision, is all the happiness I can get, now take this little happiness and move onto what I can connect to next which is picking what step I need to do next or don’t take this happiness and be unhappy, by trying to profect it by adding approval from a fantasied standard that says I have to profect my happiness by solving future self attacks, to make me feel like taking it, or my happiness is inferior and I’ll be miserable if I take it without feeling like it.
Updated October 22, 2025
Read my reply which is the second one above here. It’s dated Oct.2, 2025. Read between “Updated.. ” and “End of changes”. It describes significant changes in both distractions and true response.
1. “BM, I’m still afraid” : use PM, I’m still afraid. Using BM is a psr (Anger, In the fantasy I can use hurt or scare myself into succeeding on this try)
2. “distractions namely”: “issue of my self attack” is a psr, and a psr cannot be a distraction.
Your distraction is, using the changes from above, “the delay in the pleasure of getting over the grief from the loss of momentum caused by the end of what I was just doing (which was): … As written above, I’ve dropped “this issue is behind me” as a distraction.
3. “At the end of my thought, that forms my true response…(you chose “getting into my night-time cleaning”. Correct.)
Here’s the new sentences to put true response in, starting here:
“distractions, namely, the delay in the pleasure of getting over the grief from the loss of momentum caused by the end of what I was just doing (which was): imagining (picturing, visualizing,..) my action image of getting into my night time cleansing.
At the end of my thought that forms my true response:
I’m already dead inside about this act of ignoring. But I have to ignore anyway, if I want to get this action image out of my head (or I could say “if I want to match my actions to my action image” or simply “if I want to get into my cleansing”).
So start ignoring the delay by focusing on the steps in my night time cleansing which are …”
3. As written above, the following has been dropped.
“that says I have to perfect my happiness by solving future self attacks” : too general but close in the idea. Use: I have to get keep imagining R’s disapproval and solving it, …..or I’ll be miserable ….. That last part is good. I would add “forever” after miserable, to make it reflect what your afraid of about taking happiness that isn’t forever.
I appreciate all your hard work. I couldn’t have made the progress I’ve made without this site. Thanks very much and Merry Christmas.
Quick question. Was it the repetition that worked or recognizing that your fear is always completely imaginary, a self-attack, which you pegged well. I know that’s a leading question, but I’m confident you can sort it out. And a Merry Christmas to you too, “if it ain’t outta keepin’ with the situation”. (From Dickens’ A Christmas Carol).
It is mostly the repetition that is working. I’m still learning the new clinging flow (85%) got it. I need to add the fear is completely imaginary to my flow more often. It is still really tuff to feel and mean everything I say. I struggle with the destraction that is behind me and the delay in the pleasure…. I wish I asked more questions and took more time to understand it all.
I’m still pretty fucked up but will not stop till it works. Thanks for listening.
Thanks for answering my question. The repetition needs to be done a lot a lot. (That’s not a typo). The result will be your brain catching your self-attacks early, which will turn off the negative feelings they create. When they turn off, you don’t need to finish the long sentences. Although you may want to keep them fresh in memory from time to time.
PM, I’m nervous M will disapprove when I tell him I not interested in meeting him for coffee because
PM, if I weren’t, I’m afraid I’ll see I’ll be in the POFTI distractions namely, the delay in the pleasure of getting the grief from the loss of momentum of ending it after the first conversation overwith.
At the end of my thought, I’m already dead inside about this ignoring but I have to ignore anyway, so start ignoring the delay in the pleasure of getting the grief overwith, by focusing on mechanically ending it sooner.
Updated October 23, 2025
Changes to the wording of the Seeing Sequence are as follows:
I’ve narrowed “distractions” down to one thing: “the delay in the pleasure of getting over the grief from the loss of momentum caused by the end of what I was just doing, which was…” and I state whatever I was just doing.
In addition, I’ve classified “the end of what I was just doing” into 5 possible “endings”:
1) “the end of what I was just doing, which was: imagining my action image” (of my true response/decision);
2) “the end of what I was just doing (which was): trying and failing to match my action to my action image – for example “my failing to observe not solve” while trying to fall asleep; or any failure;
3) “the end of what I was just doing: feeling my happiness about my success (at externalizing my true response, in other words, at matching my action to my action image)” A lot of success is more passive than matching. It’s often just experiencing, that is, enjoying, receiving/observing-not-solving (not editing, not perfecting, not putting my mark on) what the environment gives me that fits me and therefore triggers pleasure.
A frequent example is something beautiful coming into my view.For this the wording is “the end of what I was just doing: enjoying, ( or I could say “feeling pleasure about”), my luck at seeing beauty.”
4) “the end of what I was just doing: experiencing a problem I can’t solve now and, mostly, would never solve even if I could: for example, your lazy consideration (of my consideration of you).”
5) “the end of what I was just doing: being in a blank, (a state of no thought or feeling).” This can occur when I don’t know what to think in a situation. It also often occurs when I finish matching my action to my action image and I haven’t decided what to do next. The end of feeling happy is good example. A blank is the most common cause of repeating myself, either in speech or in action. The repeat literally fills in the blank.
I have dropped the following distractions:
1) “this thought is behind me, and therefore I no longer want to connect to it to make me happy” as a way of explaining the distraction is with repeating myself. But I discovered that the thought that has ended, while behind me in time, occurs after the grief from the loss of momentum produced by that same ending. It’s the grief, which takes time to get over, that distracts me from focusing on my true response and if I fail to ignore it, triggers the pain of failing to ignore.
2) “your disapproval of my coming shun” (of your lazy consideration). It’s accurate to predict your disapproval of my shun, but it’s already been factored into my true response. Another way of saying this: at the moment of matching my action or actions to my action image, my brain doesn’t care about consequences, which come only after a successful match. Thus, my focus is on executing my shun. Looking ahead is a psr, specifically, a solution, to my predicting failure, which is also a psr. (Predicting failure to get your approval of my shun.)
Thus, my reply below is replaced by these changes. It turns out that your wording needs no changes, except dropping “over with” from the end of the sentence focused on the distraction, and putting it after the verb “getting”. The result: “distractions namely the delay in getting over the grief……”
End of Update
Good work.
Reconsider your distraction. Because your true response is “tell him I’m not interested”, and “ending it”, the issue of telling him is behind you.
Therefore, your distraction is “the issue of telling him is behind me and therefore I no longer want to connect to it to make me happy”.
That changes your last paragraph. The wording matches this post Still more how to do it: Seeing Sequence meet the end of thought, where happiness is
Change to: At the end of my thought that forms my true response,
I’m connecting to myself in my decision that telling him I’m not interested in meeting him for coffee (or “ending it”) is all that can be done in this moment.
And the happiness I get from this decision is all the happiness I can get.
Now take this little happiness and move on to what I can connect to next,
which is (whatever is on my mind to go to, usually related to the issue).
Or don’t take this happiness and be unhappy from trying to perfect it,
by adding approval from a fantasized standard (PF5, see database of psr’s) that says I have to perfect my happiness (with ending it) to make me feel like taking it,
or my (imperfect) happiness is inferior and I’ll be miserable forever if I take it without feeling like it.
Now I do Step 4 of the Seeing Sequence: I wait to see what comes into my mind next. If it’s my true response – in this case I find myself ending it – then I’m done b&c because it worked. If anything else comes in, I b&c again using the clinging phrases. For clinging phrases, see Still more how to do it: Seeing Sequence meets the end of thought, where happiness is
Thanks for your help, especially the part on “or don’t take this little happiness”
Love the new section you added.
Yw and Tks.
I added a line to the bottom of my previous reply for completion.
Could you put an example of say having anxiety that your daughter will like going to her dads so much that she will leave you and go to live there. Like shes having her first sleepover and now your anxiety is going like crazy….would it be good me I love the fantasy that my daughter will only love me. or poor my my daughter is going to like going to her dads and leave me forever. bad me this is a worse case scenario to get me to work harder into a panic….
You’re good.
I’m I failing to ignore distractions, namely, her disapproval?
Or, failing to ignore distractions, namely, ….. something about her not needing me or her not liking me…. how do I deal with her wanting to go there? Why does she like them? Does she like them more then me? If I say no to her going there all the time will I end up losing her?
I know you know these questions are psr’s and therefore are not the distraction. Thus, you’re focus on figuring out the distraction is correct.
if its her disapproval. then at the end of my thought shun her lazy consideration…but I don’t know that she is in lazy consideration….
or would it be something else… like the one about happiness… or don’t take this happiness and be unhappy….i forget the rest
Good focus on defining the distraction. I haven’t posted about happiness yet. That will be titled “The Seeing Sequence meets attacks on my happiness”.
Updated October 23, 2025
I’ve narrowed “distractions” down to one thing: “the delay in the pleasure of getting over the grief from the loss of momentum caused by the end of what I was just doing, which was…” and I state whatever I was just doing.
In addition, I’ve classified “the end of what I was just doing” into 5 possible “endings”:
1) “the end of what I was just doing, which was: imagining my action image” (of my true response/decision);
2) “the end of what I was just doing (which was): trying and failing to match my action to my action image – for example “my failing to observe not solve” while trying to fall asleep; or any failure;
3) “the end of what I was just doing: feeling my happiness about my success (at externalizing my true response, in other words, at matching my action to my action image)” A lot of success is more passive than matching. It’s often just experiencing, that is, enjoying, receiving/observing-not-solving (not editing, not perfecting, not putting my mark on) what the environment gives me that fits me and therefore triggers pleasure.
A frequent example is something beautiful coming into my view.For this the wording is “the end of what I was just doing: enjoying, ( or I could say “feeling pleasure about”), my luck at seeing beauty.”
4) “the end of what I was just doing: experiencing a problem I can’t solve now and, mostly, would never solve even if I could: for example, your lazy consideration (of my consideration of you).”
5) “the end of what I was just doing: being in a blank, (a state of no thought or feeling).” This can occur when I don’t know what to think in a situation. It also often occurs when I finish matching my action to my action image and I haven’t decided what to do next. The end of feeling happy is good example. A blank is the most common cause of repeating myself, either in speech or in action. The repeat literally fills in the blank.
I have dropped the following distractions:
1) “this thought is behind me, and therefore I no longer want to connect to it to make me happy” as a way of explaining the distraction is with repeating myself. But I discovered that the thought that has ended, while behind me in time, occurs after the grief from the loss of momentum produced by that same ending. It’s the grief, which takes time to get over, that distracts me from focusing on my true response and if I fail to ignore it, triggers the pain of failing to ignore.
2) “your disapproval of my coming shun” (of your lazy consideration). It’s accurate to predict your disapproval of my shun, but it’s already been factored into my true response. Another way of saying this: at the moment of matching my action or actions to my action image, my brain doesn’t care about consequences, which come only after a successful match. Thus, my focus is on executing my shun. Looking ahead is a psr, specifically, a solution, to my predicting failure, which is also a psr. (Predicting failure to get your approval of my shun.)
Application to your situation:
Your distraction about your daughter and your ending are, according to the above, worded as:
“the delay in the pleasure of getting over the grief from the loss of momentum caused by the end of what I was just doing, (which was): experiencing a problem I can’t solve now and, mostly, would never solve even if I could: my daughter attaching to someone other than me in this coming visit. You could also try, “my happiness for my daughter’s happiness”.
To get more detail on the psr’s in response to your happiness for her, read The Seeing Sequence meets attacks on happiness
End of Update
Thank you! Love this post! Very helpful 🙂